The Daily Boomstick - newspaper of M. Antonius Olivo

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STUDY: Only 11% of Women Realize their Male Friends want to Sleep with Them

12 • Day 597, 09:34 • Published in USA USA

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A scientific study released by top Daily Boomstick™ Scientists revealed that amazingly only 11% of women realize that their non-gay male friends want to have sex with them.

“It’s an amazing disconnect from reality,” said Dr. Emily Clark who led

16

Federal Funding Demanded for Randomly Hidden ‘Health Packs’

3 • Day 596, 13:38 • Published in USA USA

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The national lobbying group for video game characters, the NAAGC (national association for the advancement of gaming characters), announced that they will pressure the Congress to fully fund a program to randomly place “Health Packs” in all

20

President Richardson: “US Army needs Ostrich Cavalry!”

9 • Day 596, 09:45 • Published in USA USA

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In one of the most novel and bizarre reform propositions in recent military history, President Harrison Richardson today called for the raising and training of an entire division of Ostrich Cavalry troopers to supplement the Army National Guard in

13

GREATEST DAY EVER FOR HUMANITY: Daily Boomstick Resumes Publishing!

4 • Day 584, 08:35 • Published in USA USA

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After weeks of forced labor in a space alien mining facility on a moon of Saturn and dozens of anal-probes, the staff and editors of the Daily Boomstick™ managed to escape and return to Earth unharmed.

While on a company picnic, spaceships armed

16

SPORTS: Pacifists Defeat Fascists 103-87, Advance to Finals!

4 • Day 568, 14:39 • Published in USA USA

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Mohandas Gandhi scored 18 of his 24 points in the fourth quarter and lifted the Pacifists past the Fascists 103-87 to win their series in the Ideological Basketball semifinals 4 games to 2. Gandhi was a force in the paint, slamming home dunk after