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The Daily Boomstick

23

SCANDAL! Scrabman Caught Having Affair with Space Alien!

8 • Day 567, 12:09 • Published in USA USA •

While on an official trip to Atlantic City billed by the White House as part of a fact-finding tour of the east coast, president Scrabman was photographed engaging in improper relations with Xuar, a space alien from the planet Mu Arae.
Undercover

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28

SPECIAL REPORT: First Election Results!

6 • Day 563, 10:55 • Published in USA USA •

As part of our award-winning coverage and high journalistic standard, we at the Daily Boomstick are committed to being the FIRST to give you election results.

Election Results: eUSA

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9

Daily Boomstick Endorses Elvis for President!

4 • Day 562, 20:33 • Published in USA USA •

Our nation has been through a period of turmoil and uncertainty in recent years, and nobody seems to have the answers to our national malaise. Our faith in our leaders is at an all-time low, and the very institutions that we rely upon in our daily

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15

BREAKING NEWS: Bigfoot Escapes White House! Steals Nuclear Launch Codes!

6 • Day 561, 09:35 • Published in USA USA •

Under strict conditions of anonymity, undiscovered sources in the administration have revealed that the Bigfoot that President Scrabman recently adopted has escaped from the White House under cover of darkness and he has taken the codes necessary to

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14

Kyle321n Attacked by Loch Ness Monster!

2 • Day 559, 09:29 • Published in USA USA •

Nationalist Party Presidential candidate Ky321n was physically attacked by the Loch Ness Monster today while giving a speech before the San Mateo county 4-H Club.

Kyle321n was in the middle of his typical stump speech focused on the economy and

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