Federal Funding Demanded for Randomly Hidden ‘Health Packs’

Day 596, 13:38 • Published in USA USA • by M. Antonius Olivo

The national lobbying group for video game characters, the NAAGC (national association for the advancement of gaming characters), announced that they will pressure the Congress to fully fund a program to randomly place “Health Packs” in all buildings and battlefield ruins across the country.

The NAAGC issued a press release, in which they stated ‘We believe that the only way to keep our citizens alive and well in an emergency such as a military attack, zombie insurrection, or alien invasion, is to provide them with Health Packs that they might find while battling for their lives’.

The plan calls for $147 billion in funding for Health Pack creation and distribution. The NAAGC also called for an additional $32 billion for “ampoules”, even though studies suggest that 30% of people don’t know what they are for, and rarely use them anyway.

Critics suggested that the funding request would only be the beginning, and that the real goal of the NAAGC was randomly placed clips of ammunition.



A HISTORY OF ADVOCACY

The NAAGC was founded in the 1980s to fight for the rights of video game characters everywhere. They were instrumental in passing laws against pits of lava, centipede attacks, and carnivorous mushrooms.

But over time, the NAAGC has become more partisan. They refused to support the moles in the famous Supreme Court decision ‘Brown vs. Whack-A-Mole’ because they did not consider the moles as worthy of protection since they were not video per se. This stance caused a major rift in the arcade community that has never healed.

In recent years as video games have become more violent, the focus of the NAAGC has been on safety and unionization for video game characters.

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