SPORTS: Pacifists Defeat Fascists 103-87, Advance to Finals!

Day 568, 14:39 • Published in USA USA • by M. Antonius Olivo

Mohandas Gandhi scored 18 of his 24 points in the fourth quarter and lifted the Pacifists past the Fascists 103-87 to win their series in the Ideological Basketball semifinals 4 games to 2. Gandhi was a force in the paint, slamming home dunk after dunk and getting rebounds all game despite being blatantly fouled by Adolf Hitler, the star player on the Fascists team.

Hitler fouled out of the game for a record 134th straight game, and as a team the Fascists recorded a whopping 47 fouls. Despite the fouls, the Pacifists refused to respond and no fouls were called against them at all game. This allowed the pacifists to score 53 points at the free-throw line that proved to be the difference in the game.



FINALS PREVIEW

The other Ideological Basketball finals team, the Realpolitiks watched the results together at a 'Hooters' next door to their hotel.
The Realpolitiks easily swept the Keynesians in 4 games earlier in the week, after the Keynesians employed a bizarre strategy in which they played no defense and assumed that every 2-point basket the scored would somehow generate 5 points.

“We’re ready for the Pacifists,” said Realpolitiks point guard Niccolò Machiavelli. “We are well rested and we have watched the Pacifists play their games. They seem to try to avoid physical contact, so there’s probably a cunning and deceitful way we can use that against them.”

Game 1 of the Finals is will be televised on the Boomstick Satellite Network™, Friday night at 7 PM Eastern time.

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