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After weeks of forced labor in a space alien mining facility on a moon of Saturn and dozens of anal-probes, the staff and editors of the Daily Boomstick™ managed to escape and return to Earth unharmed.

While on a company picnic, spaceships armed with laser weapons and tractor beams attacked and dragged the entire Daily Boomstick™ staff away to space slavery. The men were separated from the women for breeding purposes, and all were given daily anal-probes to implant mind control devices.

After several weeks of planning, the Daily Boomstick™ staff managed to kill their captors and steal a space freighter and crash land in the Bahamas. They then spent the next several days recuperating from their injuries on the beaches and in the spas.



BOOMSTICK REPORTERS BACK ON THE JOB!

The heroic Daily Boomstick™ employees returned to the office this morning after their harrowing ordeal to find weeks worth of mail unopened and dozens of phone message that needed to be returned.
A family of rabies-infected raccoons had burrowed through the walls and made a nest in the desk of the fact-checker. He was unfortunately bitten when he tried to get some paper clips from a desk drawer, and has called in dead.

Daily Boomstick™ editors strenuously deny the rumors that in fact they whole staff had been in the Bahamas trying to avoid an IRS investigation that had been underway.

We also deny the lies spread by disgruntled former employees who claim that sexual harassment lawsuits against the Daily Boomstick™ editor-in-chief caused him to flee to Peru.

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