Join the new world

: RADAR!! (shocked) Oh! Okay, Radar, what facinating forms of insanity are we requisitioning today?
: tongue depressors, rubber gloves, catering, new autoclave..
: Wait, what? I’m being billed for catering?
: Cap’n Pierce ordered ribs… Adam’s Ribs from Chicago.
: I’m not seeing “extra sauce” on the invoice.. Who orders Adam’s Ribs without ordering extra sauce?
: I’ll get right on that, Colonel.. right after.. oh, they sound heavy, sir..



Original Air Date: Friday March 10, 2023 (Day 5589 )
Location: OwlCorp Media Studios, The White House

On Tonight's New Pony Express Show:
:1: Live from Bethesda Naval Hospital
:2: Last Week’s News Now

Editor’s Note: While most Government publications are a reflection of that government’s relationship with the citizens, the Pony Express is a reflection of the citizens’ relationship with each other as a community.


Let’s join BJ and Colonel Potter, Live from the ICU at Bethesda..

: Colonel, will y'all look at this guy? This is incredible!
: To be honest, BJ, I wasn’t sure he’d make it.
: Well, Media is not out of the woods yet, but this is definitely a huge improvement.
: That’s right, it’ll take consistent weekly effort from all American writers to keep Media alive.
: And not just the writers– writers need readers, and articles need votes.
: All we can do is to do our own share, and encourage others to do their share too.

Producer Old Man Custer: Feels like a good show, fellas, let’s keep a-goin’.
Janitor George: Media looks so much better sitting up in bed.
Custer: Definitely sets a better tone than “oh, still in a coma, eh..”
Director Jude Connors: Moving along, gentlemen..
Control Booth: moving along.. *click*
Custer: Great programming,..
Connors: cue Announcer..

Tomorrow night on this channel, the original M*A*S*H movie. But now, let’s watch the News…

Control: it’s not Johnny Oleson.. Not Johnny Gilbert..
Custer: what are you doing??
Control: the Announcer, his voice is familiar.. News in three.. two…

: First let’s check in on Little Orphan Annie.. Say, Custer, how ‘bout you do the News while I read the funnies, okay? Oh, I see Daisy May is really giving Li’l Abner what-for…

Of course, Colonel. Let me know when you get to the Katzenjammer Kids.

The Media has been pretty good this week. Dr RJ Reynolds, and our own Colonel Potter concurs, has upgraded Media’s status to Serious, which is a darn sight better than Dead. But a full recovery depends on the citizens, themselves, to continue to publish and vote up everyone’s articles.

The new “bar of excellence” appears to be 30 article votes.
If you can crack 30 without a dedicated voting bloc behind you, you’re doing something right.
My own articles don’t hit 30.. Not whining (much), my stuff just doesn’t grab ya..
So, what do writers do with that? Well, what do Soldiers do, huh?
We challenge ourselves and try harder, if anyone said this would be easy they was wrong.

New President Custer and SecMed King Taco hit the ground running with back-to-back editions early in the week:
WHPR published Farewell to a Class Act on Day One, and New President Has a Plan on Day Two.
SecMed Taco has ambitious ideas for the WHPR, we’re all looking forward to that.

Absolutely topping civilian media this week was the shocking retirement edition from DMJohnston: [DMJ] I’m Out screamed to the top of the charts and stayed there all week.
Go read the Comments at this article, and additional well-wishes at the WHPR Tribute piece.

Next top-of-the-charts article is [RL] Ukraine - The Restoration Game, wherein Wilker Nath provokes discussion about the real-world Russian War in Ukraine. Tune into that article if you’ve got an opinion to share, or just want to get all riled up from reading an article.
Before getting into the pot-stirring business, Nash was a DJ at eRep Radio Days, which is always a fun theme.

Mister Y and I worked together on this concept, then he went out and found the numbers and made pies. eRep is a smaller pie than in the glory days, and it’s interesting to see it quantified and explained that each of us now have bigger slices that are more valuable than ever.
eRepublik, the New World of Opportunities handily exceeded the bar and is a fine example of well researched work being presented well, and in turn well received by the audience.

Last week’s NEW Pony Express Laugh-In Show had high production values but didn’t meet the bar.

In Civilian news…
Returning dusty old corpse logan Dunleavy showed up and dropped three fast articles : A Hello to Arms, The Last of Us and An Ember Still Glows.
And three new new players published : Hi am Keith, Lonely, and Heyhey. Vote, Subscribe, Endorse, Comment positive vibes and Friend these noobs, and make sure they get everything they need.
Phoenix Quinn waxes eloquent as always in Beer Bear and Mousey Tongue. Be prepared to engage extra brain cells, Quinn the Eskimo don’t publish no lightweight sh*t.
Punkinette continues to send messages from the galactic barrier at regular intervals, in fact two this week: When will KrapGnil strike again or is lame the name, and The way of the meta-warrior or apologies to Brad Thor.

A late entry comes from political superstar Paul Proteus, an excellent tutorial I can't post in a government paper (we'll work on neutralizing it, somehow, for the Dept of Education). Anyways, How To Succeed In Politics Without Really Trying is fun and easy to understand and will make a decent politician out of anyone who follows instructions.

In other Government, Party and MU News…
DMJ passed America’s Weapons Program over to YuiMHCP1000: [GIMP] New Management.
The Department of Defense republished DoD Aerial Bombing Supply Program.
The Department of Interior republished How To Use Discord.
Here’s the Rough Riders’ (Party) pre-election announcement of their CP Primary and Official Press Release.
The SFP (Party} also had a CP Primary, and formally announced their CP candidate in Custer Gets Stoned. It’s freaking hilarious how I lost their endorsement.

Congress does stuff on Discord, even if they don't publish, and we should all be keeping up with what's up in Congress. #congress-public in the eUS channels.

Sound the trumpets and release the doves, it’s time to give away cheap prizes!

I asked Congress for a special Budget Line for Beer and Bribes $5,100/week, maybe you’ve seen that in the news. While it won’t be ready in time for publication, we did get a single donor to cover the whole thing for us this week. And so, without further ado..

Right now as I’m editing, you can buy 1 Gold for $1019.
Top Prize is $2038, to Mister Y for his smaller pies with bigger slices.
Two more big cash prizes of $1019 go to Wilker Nash, Oat Willie Quinn, and… logan Donleavy gets $1019.
Of course, Paul deserves a prize for his awesome How To Politics, piece.. AHA! I've got a cheap Dollar General prize for Paul-- my almost two cents worth of Satoshis. Congratulations on winning the top prize this week..!

Small Prizes, Big Pride..
What were you expecting? There ain’t no teats around here…
Ya gotta work for your measly Participation Award..

Back to you, Colonel Potter.

: There, now that wasn’t so bad, was it? Amazing how winning a major campaign can make you feel better about everything. I understand we’re doing a weather report… Klinger?


Janitor George: Oh, my.
Custer: Quite fashionable, though...
Booth: Special favor?
Custer: What??
Booth: Certain charms?
Custer: are you bucking for a Section 8, yourself..?

: Colonel, can we send this tape to WTOL in Toledo? This could be my big break!!


Connors: Control, let’s move along…
Booth: moving along… *click*



: I really wanted to use the classic “upholstered toilet” line, but this place– your OwlCorp Studios– is so high tech and luxurious it just never came up. Even the gin tastes like it was filtered through a clean sock!
Running this newspaper like a TV show is sure an unorthodox approach to the problem, but if it inspires others to post articles.. you just might save your Media.
On behalf of the M*A*S*H 4077th, here’s to ya!

That’s our show for tonight, folks! Tune in again next week for The NEW Pony Express Show Starring Bugs Bunny!

Booth: Bugs Bunny! Really?
Connors: of all the top stars we’ve run through this place, you go nuts for Bugs Bunny?
George: um, Custer.. Got a Memo from Corporate for ya. Bring all your books, both sets..
Custer: oh, that’s never a good thing…
George: but wait, there’s more… got a Summons here from Attorney General Evry… also, both sets of books.
Custer: I… uh… what. The… oh, this is not good.
Connors: ohforchristssake— Bob roll credits, Custer take us out, already!

Custer: yes sir.. We’ll see you all again next week– Maybe.
GOODNIGHT EVERYONE! DRIVE SAFE!

Custer: Are you fu*king serious? Corporate AND the Attorney General, both..?
George: Yep.. Monday, 9am and Noon… both sets of books, and don’t make dinner plans.
Booth: Bugs Bunny.. Fecking wow, man.. *click*


The New Pony Express Show was recorded Live before a studio audience.
Your Announcer, Don Pardo.





Looks like I’ll be in meetings and hearings all day Monday.
But this is the goddam Pony Express, and come next week there will be another one.

Of course there’s a blooper reel.
Tonight’s episode of The NEW Pony Express MASH Show is available on Blu-Ray from OwlCorp Home Video. coming soon, there’s some coding conversion to do


Kickstart the Media.
Every keystroke counts.

Oh, and, Shout this around :

The NEW Pony Express MASH Show
Last Week’s News In Review
https://www.erepublik.com/en/article/2764635




George Armstrong Custer, White House Press Corps Staff Writer. Also President.


:::
5589:970
Sit, Ubu, sit.