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The Fieldist Volume I, Issue 2
The News Stalin Doesn't Want You to Know!

Congress Begins Midnight Impeachment Trial
Congress, it's been called "the seat of power of the government," "a house of buffoons," and more liberally, "a sh@%storm." Tonight, the US Congress has improved upon its traditional "zany" (not the word of the Fieldist) midnight bills of not much import, and instead moved on to a serious matter. The Impeachment of Uncle Sam.

It's unclear why this started at the moment, but a congressional aide who refused to be name due to his closeness to the agitators gave us some information (we can't print his name, but he is 5' 10", has graying strawberry-blonde hair, and a dueling scar). "Uncle Sam is being impeached for being somewhat competent at his job," said the aide, while twirling his brown mustache. "The congressmen who supported this bill find Uncle Sam's relative competence intolerable," continued the congressmen, while scratching at his false left leg, "and frankly, he's not stolen the treasury. We find this lack of ability most reprehensible."

The trial has been most interesting. On the grounds of somewhat competence, the prosecution has show again and again Uncle Sam's continuing somewhat competent nature; the defense has admitted to the charges. The aide, who drives a sea-foam green Thunderbird, said that when questioned about the constitutional requirement of an actual crime for impeachment, the bill's author, AidenAstrup, replied "Son, I am the Constitution!"

According to our contact in the "Iron Guard," the organization we mentioned in our previous article as having infiltrated the USWP, it is not responsible for this apparent attack on the American presidency. Although he added, "unless Justionious McWalburgson or AidenAstrup is a secret Romanian, and a secret member of our secret organization."

The Fieldist has some views on the matter. If Uncle Sam wins this impeachment fight, he should immediately declare war on all those who attempted to deprive him of the presidency. A civil war would be extremely healthy for this country, which could frankly use the shake-up. After all, as a young rebel known as T. Jefferson once said, "the tree of liberty from time to time must be watered with the blood of tyrants." If he loses, he should take over a small country and fight to crush the United States. In which case, we at the Fieldist would suggest we return to Columbia as our nation's embodiment.

The same goes for Justinious. If this impeachment bill passes, the Fieldist suggests he immediately declare war on all political enemies and consolidate power in proletarian dictatorship. Always remember the words of the young L. D. Bronstein, who said, "A means can be justified only by its end. But the end in its turn needs to be justified." Justinious can justify his ends. Also, he should watch out for Congress, because his predecessor just got impeached. Seriously, those guys are nutjobs.

All in all, we at the Fieldist look forward to the unraveling of the fabric of our American Democracy, as we have grown tired of this particular color of sweater. We think American Democracy would do much better in some kind of polyester-cotton composite.