[ZW] YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE: EMERICK DIES AGAIN, FOUR NATIONS VIRGINIZED

Day 880, 19:38 • Published in Pakistan Pakistan • by AgentChieftain


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───────── 時 · よ · 止まれ ─────────

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Gentlemen, I have a bit of unusual news for you all today. ZA WARUDO's sizable legion of Slowbro editors have brought some hot news from around the world. Some of it is bad, but you better believe that the bulk of what I have here on my desk is going to rock your face like Duke Nukem rocked the Shooter genre.

Emerick, who had killed himself months ago, has done it again. When his corpse was denied burial in Pakistan four months ago, Like A Virgin seized control of his body to complete Emerick's final mission: the virginization of the United States.

And in that mission, Emerick has finally succeeded.

As it turns out, Emerick's stand, Like A Virgin, has the ability to possess those close to its owner. Woxan, the spy who seized control of America through his cunning, was possessed in this manner during his run for the presidency, as was Emerick during his campaign nearly a year ago. Using Like A Virgin's invigorating erectoral prowess, Woxan was erected in a landslide victory, and was then driven to virginize the United States and begin America's evolution past its piggish predicament. Unfortunately, Emerick did not survive this process, but then again, he was already dead.

Now, America has began the process of becoming glorious at long last. After years of tyrannical rule under swine, fagets, and newfag cancer, America suddenly has a chance of reclaiming its former glory. America has joined Franc e, Por tugal, the United Kingdom, Russi a, and Pak istan in the dominion of Dioist nations. Godspeed, bros. Godspeed.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I have just been told that the Brazilian Space Agency has successfully launched Reshev Villanova into space to tune the TIDUS II research satellite. More on this as it develops.



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