[ZW] EMERICK'S CORPSE BARRED FROM PAKISTANI BURIAL [US]
AgentChieftain
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ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Earlier this morning, a freight shipment from Texas was intercepted by the Pakistani Special Forces on the northern border of Pakistan that was addressed to "the sands." Knowing that only steers and queers come from Texas, PSF operative Gordon Frohman immediately removed the package from the cargo truck and sent it to a bomb testing field thirty miles north of the site where the parcel was found. Upon opening the crate, the corpse of former American president Emerick was discovered.
As previously covered in ZA WARUDO, Emerick committed suicide six months ago in an underground bunker in the United States. His stand, aptly named Like A Virgin, took over his American duties from that day forward before disappearing some time last night.
Emerick (foreground) and Like A Virgin (background)
Like A Virgin left a message on Emerick's desk reading that its work in the United States is done and Emerick can rest in peace. The Americans, being slower than the Kotaku staff, finally figured out that Emerick had died and that all of his work had been carried out by a giant green phallus with tentacles riding on a golden chariot for the last six months, and found his corpse in the underground Mahjong Room of the White House in Washington, D.C.
According to his last will and testament, Emerick wished to be buried in the sands of Pakistan, where he claims to have been born. Here's where things get interesting: Emerick's birth certificate has yet to be found, and as the Director of the PSF, I can confirm that there are no records of Emerick ever being born in Pakistan. As a pig American, I have reason to believe he was born in the United States (or at least a country with moderate snowfall) and is not of Pakistani lineage at all.
For this very reason, I am taking action as Supreme Priest of Dioism and barring the corpse's entry into Pakistan. This is not the corpse of a Dioist; Emerick has been known to question Dio's will and disregard Pakistani laws in favor of profiteering and fattening American swine. Moreover, the interference of the American hooved forces during Operation 8U is evidence that the United States is deliberately acting against the will of Dio Brando, which cannot be forgiven.
For now, Emerick's rotting corpse is currently in an unmarked septic tanker truck somewhere in a Goon refugee camp in southwestern China. If we receive no word from the United States, the truck will be condemned as pig disgusting and destroyed in a humiliatingly homosexual and anti-American manner. Hopefully the Americans will retrieve it and give Emerick a burial where he belongs: Sweden.
ℙℝ𝕀𝔻𝔼 · ℙ𝕆𝕎𝔼ℝ · ℙ𝔸𝕂𝕀𝕊𝕋𝔸ℕ
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UPDATE: This just in! I've received word from White House Press Secretary Harrison Richardson that United States of America has just got told. Sayonara, Emerick!
Comments
I was here.
As it should be, as it should be.
ohh
I see
sick burn?
Emerick cannot into grave
>As it should be, as it should be.
I'm considering donating the corpse to Desmonpesire so KillaJezuz would "take better care of it."
Emerick need to come back......we need our Tea and Crumpets saved from eUK
>"I'm considering donating the corpse to Desmonpesire so KillaJezuz would 'take better care of it.'"
They should be hired to transfer it to Sweden.
I agree with Rosher, with Emerick's help, the eUK's tea and crumpets are as good as ours!
>They should be hired to transfer it to Sweden.
Excellent idea. Do you know where I can get a hold of KillaJezuz or King Queer Carnifexus?
Emerdick is dead \o/
Emerick shall return more powerful then you could possibly imagine!
Actually, it is probably best we don't bury him in Pakistan. He is much to important to be laid to rest in a country that should not and will not exist.
Dio can suck my NU!$
>"😉o you know where I can get a hold of KillaJezuz or King Queer Carnifexus?"
Last reports show King Queer in off-topic, with KillaJezuz in society.
>"😉io can suck my NU!$"
*slaps Ingo Castilho*
And my Di@&
>Actually, it is probably best we don't bury him in Pakistan. He is much to important to be laid to rest in a country that should not and will not exist.
Why did you send us his corpse in the first place? We don't consume pork in Pakistan, you know.
"Pakistani Special Forces" - I lol'd
ECLECTIC
ENIGMATIC
EMERICK
Emerick cannot into grave
Emerick cannot into grave
Emerick cannot into grave
Tough luck, Emerick.
I am not sure we Swedes want someone claiming to be Pakistani soiling our pure pure snow.
Emerick cannot into grave
HAUEHUAHE BR BR BR?
BRAVO.
If you get no response from USA, I would like to receive Emericka's body for analysis.
Please, send it to our MILITARY LABORATORY FOR ADVANCED HAMBUGA in BROZIL.
RESHEV VILLANOVA
COMMISSAR OF HAMBUGA
Emerick cannot into grave
There's Pakistani Special Forces? I think those were the guys that were noobs before Pakistan region swapped to Serbia, then joined the Special Forces (Min strength level - 0) and these guys are the ones left that didn't rage quit when Serbia region swapped through Pakistan.
Also: Dio would not want any of you to do this, you are simply misinterpretting his will, like followers of the religions that died thousands of years ago, the Muslims, Christians and Jews
>Also: Dio would not want any of you to do this, you are simply misinterpretting his will, like followers of the religions that died thousands of years ago, the Muslims, Christians and Jews
Protip: AC talks to Dio quite frequently
>There's Pakistani Special Forces? I think those were the guys that were noobs before Pakistan region swapped to Serbia, then joined the Special Forces (Min strength level - 0) and these guys are the ones left that didn't rage quit when Serbia region swapped through Pakistan. [citation needed]
PROTIP: The PSF is why America isn't Canadian. Read a book.
http://wiki.erepublik.com/index.php/USA-Canada_War" target="_blank">http://wiki.erepublik.com/index.php/USA-[..]_War
Bad article.
Truth : USA wants to invade Canada, Fails at it, Canada wants to Invade USA. USA calls Pakistan for help, we arrive with 300 men (wich was about the total population of the USA at the time, we stall the war, we rage because americans cannot into war and ask for them to actually fight (80% of the fights were done by pakistanis, americans weren't even bothered to buy a moving ticket to hawaii where a Q5 hospital lied.) they refuse, we ragequit. USA surrender.
Emerick shall return more powerful then you could possibly imagine!
[x2]
Emerick cannot into grave
Emerick cannot into grave
In These Comments: Butthurt eMerickans. Fgts.
your a fgt, he's a fgt, all of you are fgts
i need job, there is no job offers for 0 skilled newbies 🙁
please help me 🙁
Altnabla: Bad article.
>>Truth : USA wants to invade Canada, Fails at it, Canada wants to Invade USA. USA calls Pakistan for help, we arrive with 300 men (wich was about the total population of the USA at the time, we stall the war, we rage because americans cannot into war and ask for them to actually fight (80% of the fights were done by pakistanis, americans weren't even bothered to buy a moving ticket to hawaii where a Q5 hospital lied.) they refuse, we ragequit. USA surrender.
Protip: It was a Q3 in Hawaii.
lol voted