The Scorpion Orange - newspaper of Daniel Krane

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Popular Puppets Prod Pork Prices to Plummet

0 • Day 608, 05:28 • Published in United Kingdom

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The popular television puppet show, Hamhock and Splort has had a dramatic effect on the pork industry over the last quarter. The show regularly depicts Splort the Butcher as an evil, soulless, puppy-AND-Kitten-devouring monster.

The show was

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UK Experiments With Time-Loop Technology

4 • Day 605, 10:59 • Published in United Kingdom

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UK experiments with time-loop techno- UK experiments with time-loop techno- UK experiments with time-loop techno- UK experiments with time-loop techno- UK experiments with time-loop UK experiments with time-loop UK experiments with time-loop UK

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Gloucester Glues Gum Up Games

0 • Day 604, 07:39 • Published in United Kingdom

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A massive spill at the Z-Tech Industries plant in Gloucester caused the cancellation of two soccer tournaments being played on the public fields next door. A large container of concentrated adhesive ripped free from its transport and rolled out into

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Fast Food Franchise Finances Failing Funny Farm

0 • Day 603, 06:05 • Published in United Kingdom

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The Good Mood Food company of London has completed their contract with Al's Discount Insane Asylums. After long deliberation on the details of the contract, GMF has settled on two tatoo advertisments on each tenant and a roof mural for their Hanwell

5

Salty Sellers Sell Out to Nutmeg Magnate.

1 • Day 602, 06:06 • Published in United Kingdom

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Almost four hundred french purveyors of fine peanuts, walnuts and cashews have been bought out by the giant producer of nutmeg products, Bocuse and Co.

A representative of Bocuse and Co, a Mr. Steven Colbert, gave a statement about the