Popular Puppets Prod Pork Prices to Plummet
Daniel Krane
The popular television puppet show, Hamhock and Splort has had a dramatic effect on the pork industry over the last quarter. The show regularly depicts Splort the Butcher as an evil, soulless, puppy-AND-Kitten-devouring monster.
The show was mainly unheard-of until the violent disembowlment of Hamhock's sidekick, Pork Rind, on national television. The simulated blood and white cotton ball stuffing was splattered all over the screen for almost a half-hour under the evil mechanization of Splort the Butcher.
After internet videos of the episode began to spread, the major pork industries of London took a sudden hit from investors who worried that having vested interests in companies like Freddy Yums would attract unwanted media scorn and swine flu, lots and lots of swine flu.
A representative of Freddy Yum, Freduardo Barbado, gave us a statement earlier, "I don't care what they did to Ms. Pigface on the tele, the people of this city need pork shoulder!" He then went on to mention a plethora of healthy pork products, including SPAM.
Hamhock and Splort themselves are facing several FCC violations and may be pulled from the air for the rest of next season.
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