3 Reasons Why Emerick Already Fails as a President
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The eAmerican media is a tough nut to crack. There's often such a drive for a newspaper to have the "big scoop" that the news sometimes seems like a 25-hour cycle. But allow The Fair Dealer to be the first to break this story, before any other newspaper.
It's official: Emerick FAILS as President of the United States!
Now I know, Emerick isn't technically president yet, but I'm pretty sure he's already doing an awful job at it, and I can prove it:
1. Look at how many states we've lost! - Sure, Emerick wasn't really president when that happened, but he is now, so this is HIS FAULT. A smart Congress would impeach him now, so he can be removed before the election is even finished.
2. Emerick hasn't placed Q5 Hospitals in every remaining state! - WTF.
3. Emerick hasn't replied to my PM on how to win the war! - Sure, I borrowed it from this great e-mail I got from Ajay Bruno, but come on, ruling from the ivory tower like that is why he's already failed.
Ladies and gentlemen, I've lost faith in our President before he was even President. We must Em-Peach Emerick!
Note: This is a work of lols.
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eU.S. Fractures as D.C. Comes Under Attack
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At 5:06 A.M. server time, the Portuguese Army launched a full-scale invasion of the American capital, Washington D.C. The early morning assault came after a hard-fought Portuguese victory in West Virginia and decisive American victories in Iowa and Arkansas. With the American seat of government under attack, fracture lines among the country's most influential voices became apparent.
By 8 A.M., the citizen shout bar filled with a slew of campaign shouts and links to stories for and against the four best-known presidential candidates: Harrison Richardson, the incumbent president from the United States Workers Party; Emerick, a former Libertarian candidate; Chris Stanwick, formerly of the UIP and recently of the Umbrella Party; and Joshua Hoss, a dark-horse candidate from the UIP.
"Do PEACE a favor, vote Emerick for President!" one shout reads. "DO NOT SUPPORT CHRIS STANWICK," TimRugbyFlanker declares. In the midst of a strained war against PEACE, presidential campaigning took on a bitter note that surprised even veterans of previous acidic campaigns. One government source, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "We still think HR will pull it through, but the way politics has gotten, he may not have much influence beyond the USWP."
American politics has grown bitter as PEACE continues to rack up votes, and there are now open questions as to whether any president elected on August 5th will have the crossover ability to speak as a representative of the entire United States. With members of different parties determined to support only their party candidate, the United States runs the risk of fracturing into factionalism and party-line infighting.
Even once unified parties have devolved into bitterness. In the Libertarian Party, Congresswoman Daphne Lilac issued a press release openly calling for Liberarian PP Claire Littleton to resign. The letter follows several days of strained relations between Lilac, who backs Chris Stanwick's campaign, and the Libertarian leadership backing Emerick.
A fracture in the Libertarian party would spell chaos for two-time candidate Emerick, who narrowly lost to Harrison Richardson in July's presidential race. Indeed, factionalism may be a positive case for the USWP, as an increasing field of Anti-Richardson candidates runs the risk of splitting the vote and returning Richardson to power for one more term. Where Richardson will serve if D.C. falls, however, is the question of the hour.
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SHATTERED: The Broken Legacy of Harrison Richardson
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The crop fields of Kansas inspired us to sing of America's "amber waves of grain." Now those fields are scorched and barren. A coordinated assault by PEACE forces conquered the final high grain region of the United States, and with it placed a grim capstone on the U.S. President Harrison Richardson's first term.
In the final five days of his first term, Richardson cannot be happy. In the past 24 hours his young administration sacked Deputy Secretary of State and popular Congressman Chris Stanwick over a leaked peace treaty proposal, and lost Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Eugene Harlot, who resigned after America's catastrophic loss of Kansas.
Despite a heated July presidential race against Emerick, many in the United States had confidence in Harrison Richardson's leadership. A long-time Secretary of State under former President Scrabman, Richardson spent months cultivating the network of international friendships and connections necessary to propel an up-and-coming politician to the presidency. During the campaign, Richardson exuded confidence and a sharp knowledge of the issues, and few were surprised when he coasted into the White House.
Now, that White House is under siege. PEACE forces have conquered South Carolina, Tennessee, and Kentucky, and have recently invaded West Virginia on a march to the White House. With the forces of PEACE moving in from the South, West, and East, Richardson finds himself alone in the White House, his trusted advisers resigning or fired, and his administration leaking state secrets with abandon.
Many wonder what happened, and certainly President Richardson cannot bear all the blame for PEACE's march across America. Much of the groundwork for this invasion was laid under the Scrabman Administration. But that cannot absolve Richardson's scattershot leadership when PEACE opened multiple fronts and turned up the heat on the U.S. Military.
History will show, perhaps, that Richardson focused too heavily on defending Canada while PEACE made inroads through Alaska and South Carolina. By the time Canada was abandoned by U.S. forces, PEACE had the capability to launch three invasions per day on U.S. soil. While Kansas lay under siege, a strained Department of Defense issues orders to defend...Oklahoma? Miscommunications abounded.
Perhaps the coordinated efforts of PEACE simply overwhelmed President Richardson, for at every turn he found his administration outmaneuvered and outflanked by PEACE's tanking abilities. The stress got to Richardson's closest allies, who became snarly and accusatory towards critical members of Congress and the public. After posting a copy of Richardson's proposed treaty with PEACE on the eU.S. forum - the same treaty which Chris Stanwick was fired for revealing - veteran player NoneSuch found himself banned. With failures externally, Richardson's team turned the clampdown inwards.
In light of these setbacks, Richardson announced his plan to seek a second term as U.S. President. As the United States shrinks and its territories fall to PEACE, Americans are left wondering exactly what United States Richardson wants to lead. Chris Stanwick, once close to Richardson, announced a competing bid for the White House. More challengers are expected to surface in the next few days.
What remains of the shattered legacy of Harrison Richardson will be seen on August 5. read more
Congressman Everdale Delivers War Message to Virginia
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Office of Congressman Nick Everdale
Washington, D.C.
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My Fellow Virginians,
These are uncertain times. South Carolina and Kentucky are under attack. Tennessee has fallen. It now seems likely PEACE will move directly for Washington, D.C. in an attempt to crush the morale of the American people. In order to reach D.C., it is likely PEACE will move against Virginia in an effort to split our Mid-Atlantic forces. We cannot allow this to happen.
Virginians, now is the time to fight!
As your Congressman, I urge you to prepare yourselves for any fight involving Virginia or D.C. by ensuring you have a good supply of weapons and that your health is above 90. We've turned PEACE back several times in this war - I know of no people who have as much pride in their eCommonwealth as the Virginians. We won't let them take us without a fight, and they have no idea what's in store.
For now, Virginians, follow the orders that come down from the Department of Defense and your military commanders. Organization and attention will be what win the war against PEACE for us. If each Virginian does his or her own thing, we will most certainly lose. We cannot sacrifice our national capital to Indonesian or Portuguese or Russian forces.
I will be in constant contact with the U.S. government and with you. If you need anything or have any questions, do not hesitate to contact me. I will be available constantly through IRC and through in-game messaging.
Sic Semper Tyrannis, Virginia. Thus Always to Tyrants.
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Everdale for Virginia || Continuing America's Greatness
Ladies and Gentlemen,
After much thought, I have decided to again seek Virginia's Senate seat. My second campaign will be a clean break from the first - there will be no negative campaigning, no slandering of the opposition, and no pointless rhetoric. I pledge to commit myself entirely to the job of representing Virginians.
I choose to run again because our current Senator Dmalicious has decided to step down after two terms. I understand his reasons - real life getting busy, other things falling onto one's plate - and wish him the best. Though I may have been harsh at times, Dmalicious represented this state honorably, and gained a respectable reputation for himself. I hope we can put aside the acrimony of the past and work together for a bold new Virginia.
My Platform
An End To Partisanship - I have been partisan in the past, and in a recent article I apologized to those I unfairly criticized. I agree with the formation of the Jedi Council and in our attempts to get beyond party politics. We must face the world as one united nation, or else we will be snowed under by invasions and PTO's. I pledge to work with members of ALL parties to strengthen America.
Taxation - Some Americans are unhappy with the current increase in taxes, but these increases are essential. We stand on the verge of a huge war with PEACE, and we must maintain our readiness at all times. I advocate using the full efforts of the government to keep eAmericans informed of our non-classified actions so no one is left out of these momentous times.
Infrastructure - I know not every place can have a Q5 Hospital. The recent threats by PEACE have, however, rejuvenated discussion of defending our capital in Washington, D.C.. The best way to do this? A strong hospital in Virginia to encourage more citizens to stand in defense of the region. I will work with others in Congress who feel the same way to get this achieved.
Funding the Army - As a member of the eU.S. Army, I believe we should be ensuring our Army is in fighting shape. If elected, I will propose a special commission to study the efficiency of our current Army funding system with an eye towards making small improvements that save everyone money and allow more soldiers to fight and rank up.
The PEACE Threat - That these guys are still around blows my mind. Talk about commitment to a game. PEACE recently threatened American security with talk of invading Hawaii. We cannot allow this to happen. I advocate authorizing a diplomatic mission to Indonesia, as well as other missions to our allies and nonaligned powers. If we are going to win a face-to-face fight with PEACE, we're going to need firepower.
The Pulitzer Prize Program - I, like many of you, was a big fan of Emerick's proposal to create Monthly Pulitzer Prize. This prize would allow players to submit their news articles for consideration, with the best article winning a prize of a few gold. This prize will encourage player involvement AND increase the quality of our eAmerican newspapers. I will work to get this accomplished in Congress.
North American University - Too few eAmericans get involved in their government. If elected, I will propose further publicizing North American University's courses via the Citizen Advertising Module, using both government funds and my own. For those who don't know, NAU is prominent on the forums and provides online "Classes" to help new and old players better understand eRep's game mechanics.
I will be adding to these points and possibly making a website as the time draws nearer. For now, I hope to continue speaking to the dozens of Virginians who contacted me in the last campaign, and keeping you up to date on everything we are doing.
Thank You Virginia!
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