Why I will not stand by

Day 2,141, 05:11 • Published in Belgium USA • by MaryamQ


Late in the evening on July 7, 1984, a young man by the name of Charlie Howard was walking with a friend in Bangor, ME when they were attacked by a group of teenagers as they were crossing the State Street Bridge. His friend was able to escape and activated an alarm, but not before Charlie, who was asthmatic, was thrown over the bridge into the Kenduskeag Stream and drowned. Charlie was openly gay in a culture that was intolerant, and he died as a result of the bullying that encouraged. His full story can be found here.


A memorial service at the site where Charlie Howard was murdered by bullies

My first husband, who grew up across the river from where this happened, came out of the closet less than a dozen years later. Many of you will find this difficult to understand, but he also grew up in an atmosphere where it was not socially acceptable to be anything but straight and conformist. In fact, many LGBT people of our age were in conventional marriages and had children before coming out. The really sad thing is that our children also became the victims of bullying because their father is who he is, even though the youngest didn’t really understand what that meant.

Why am I telling you, an online community, these stories of RL bullying? Simply stated, it is because I want you to know why I cannot stand by and watch others being bullied. I have seen the RL effects bullying can have, how it ripples out and affects more people than you can even imagine, and because I don’t want other women’s children to go through what mine went through.



A lot of you know that I have spoken out against the name calling and the ganging up on certain people that is all too common on the internet in general and in this game in particular. As I have said, and my dear friend mittekemuis said just a few days ago, and many others have joined with us in saying, you do not know who is on the other side of that screen, and you do not know how they will be affected, or indeed who else’s life might also be affected, by what happens here.



In the nearly 4 years that I have been playing this game, I have seen a lot of players come and go. Some of them, like my RL son who introduced me to the game, play a little while and then depart quietly. Some do what they want to do, and then make the decision to leave the game for various reasons, and are often sincerely missed by other players. But some, and I find this both said and unacceptable, are bullied by other players to the point where they break and give up. Some of them may make a rational decision that they do not want to put up with this, but some really are not very strong or very stable, and these are the ones I am particularly concerned about. There are always those who will shout that the internet is not for the weak, that others should not take these attacks personally, that it is all just part of the game, but there are plenty of us ready to stand up and say no to this kind of behavior. We refuse to allow a few to control the game experience of everyone else, or to tear others down in order to make themselves feel bigger.



There are plenty of people who are ready to call others losers, but there is nobody who really wins at this game of name-calling. Often, when you are attempting to make someone else look and feel smaller, you are only making yourself look smaller. When you gang up on another player in an attempt to hound him out of the game, you are really showing your own failure to rise to the top.

Mittekemuis, in her excellent article, suggested several ways to combat bullying. One of those is to find a safe place where there are people ready to help, such as the new channel #echillroom. I urge people who are being bullied to make use of her suggestions and of this chat room. However, there are still things the rest of us can do, and they can be done by anybody, no matter how small and unimportant you may feel.



One recent popular movement to combat cyber-bullying is cyber-kindness. It is just as easy and far more rewarding to say something positive and true about another player as it is to say something negative and often untrue. I know there are quite a few people who do this privately, by PM or in query on IRC, and that is good, but why not say something publicly. If someone is being ridiculed by another player or players, it is often possible to mention a real achievement in game, or an interesting idea or other positive contribution of the person being attacked. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and if enough of us start finding positive things to say about one another, it could make a real difference, not only to individuals, but also to our communities as a whole.

Remember, while we are dealing with role play characters, there are real people with real feelings behind those characters. Join in saying “We will not stand by” and show a little kindness to another player today. It will make the other person feel better, but I promise, you will feel better about yourself, too.

Some of the translations and republications of mittekemuis’s article:
Pakistan : http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/-re-post-because-we-will-not-stand-by--2323305/1/20
Colombia : http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/un-poco-de-apoyo-moral-no-hace-da-ntilde-o-a-bit-of-moralising-does-not-hurts-2323319/1/20
Austria: http://www.erepublik.com/es/article/-re-post-because-we-will-not-stand-by-2323346/1/20
Australia: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/because-we-will-not-stand-by-aus-repost--2323357/1/20
Japan: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/-extra-repost-because-we-will-not-stand-by-2323386/1/20
Serbia: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/zbog-toga-scaron-to-ne-emo-stajati-po-strani-eng-sr--2323410/1/20
Hungary: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/nem-fogjuk-tetlenul-nezni--2323403/1/20
The Netherlands: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/repost-because-we-will-not-stand-by-2323440/1/20
USA: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/because-we-will-not-stand-by-repost--2323441/1/20
Switzerlan😛 http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/-repost-we-will-not-stand-by-2323449/1/20
Greece: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/because-we-will-not-stand-by-gr-version--2323451/1/20
New Zealan😛 http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/because-we-will-not-stand-by-2323457/1/20
Turkey: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/-re-post-because-we-will-not-stand-by-1-2323506/1/20
Portugal: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/n-o-ficaremos-quietos--2323543/1/20


MaryamQ
I will not stand by!