Rivere is a Champion

Day 1,529, 11:15 • Published in USA USA • by rivere123


Hello America.

My last article was something of a success, and Americans of each and every creed have shown their support for liberty, progress, and good foreign affairs. In addition to this, my birthday was yesterday and will soon be a national holiday.

Thank you for restoring my hope in this country. Many say America is stagnant, America is no superpower, America cannot win. To them, I say that any country that can stand up to such dictators is destined for greatness!

Enough about you now, let's talk about me. And by me, I mean Oblige. He's retardant.

This article, I will focus my campaign on the top five parties.

Dear USWP,

I was in your party for the majority of my eLife, and I know you can find it in your hearts to vote for me. I really do. Please. I'm sorry, I don't usually beg. Allow me to use this cute animal in my stea😛



Dear AMP,

I am among many of your *cough* esteemed members, and I am now pandering for your support. I am most sure you will give it to me for the last twinkies on Earth. You really have no choice in the matter now but to vote for me.

Dear Feds,

You're a group of cool people. Those old people that founded our nation would certainly be proud of you! You want to know something about those old people? They musketslapped British people, and I think my opponent may be looking a little limey.


If you don't elect me, I'll Aaron Burr you. Too soon?

Dear NCP,

Pizza II, child of Pizza the Hut and heir of the Ajayian dynasty of being bad at PTOing, has recently perished, surprisingly enough. We must celebrate his legacy by electing myself as president, since his his eldest and youngest children are too young to rule.

Dear USMJ Party,

Your PP made me your running mate, so you kind of have to elect me. It would be pretty rude if you didn't. But besides this, if you elect me, I will definitely Ron Paul the shit out of everything.

That's all for today folks. Be one of The Informed, and vote/shout this article!