El Presidente

Day 1,524, 13:36 • Published in USA USA • by rivere123
After much deliberation, I, rivere123, on this day, have decided to run for President of the United States of America. So far, it's quite the success

You may wonder why, and I am glad to make you aware ofjust the reason.

Read through that article. Horrible ain't it? But I ain't one to run a smear campaign, so I'll get right down to why you should vote for me!

Reason Number One: Oblige is Retardant

Ok, maybe I AM one to write a smear campaign.

Reason Number Two: I'll Fix the Economy

First thing I'll do is start with taxes. Then I'll work on inflation. Then, maybe I'll spend some time getting bonuses. Sound ambiguous? It's because I suck at economics, but that shouldn't stop you from voting for me. I am your average, run-of-the-mill normal guy. Economics is for Elitists.



Reason Number Three: Shit Will Get Done.

Most presidencies pass by, with the president fixing little problems behind the scenes and occasionally doing something nice that gets the country ahead. No more of that bull. I'm going to get shit done. Invade Canada. Spend the Treasury on High Risk Stocks. Provoke Serbia. Invade Canada. Pimp Congress for a few Extra Dollars. Invade Canada.


How ever will we win?

Reason Number Four: I Tell The Truth.

Rivere is a Champion. That's my campaign slogan. Simple? Yes. Truthful? Hell Yes. It is so undeniably true.

My VP

My cabinet

That's right, my VP is Jude. I think he will make a fine vice president and fight for our country's values, but more importantly he can get me like 5 extra votes.

Rivere for President, because Oblige slept with that woman.

If you're a patriot, shout, vote, and sub.