Back in my day...

Day 1,155, 17:20 • Published in USA USA • by Blank Keating

...shouts used to mean something.


Whippersnappers.

Hard working Americans slaved away in the mines just to get the ink and create the font to make those shouts. They were hand bottled by top men for only $1 an hour. Then, to get the money to buy one of those shouts, you'd have to hike 10 miles in the snow during April and fight rabid chupacabras. A baker's dozen of chupacabra furs would only get you half a shout, or maybe three quarters if you had a hook up. Even then, you'd have to stand in line for hours to buy it.


None of them queerosexuals drove the trucks back then, neither.

For years now, people have been ruining the all-American shout. I fought in some hellhole in a war between two countries I didn't even know existed. I earned those shouts through blood and sweat, like real men do. But I seen the signs of this storm approaching, I seen the signs. They closed down the national chat rooms, then they burned down the ad agencies. Great American corporations destroyed by affirmative action and tax hikes. Then welfare hit. I didn't like it when our liberal president decided to welfare us three shouts, definitely not with six shouts, and sure as hell not now.

These pranksters watch their terrible shows about sixteen year old harlots spending shouts like nobody's business on STV (Shout Television). Then they get on The Tweeter and start completin' full sentences with just one word a shout. I'm a working man. I don't have time to go on The Headbook and shout about my new shoes. I got my news through them shouts, damn it. News about things that mattered, like what third-world country we're bombing today, not what Lindsay Shouthan is doing today to be a damn whore.


Pranksters ruining America.

There ain't nothin' I can do now about these shouts. They're lost causes. I guess I'll get into a new hobby, like currency collecting. I don't want no damn euro-cents in my house collectin' dust though. They'd probably turn me into some kind of queerosexual. Maybe I'll collect old ad posters, if that damn Pizza the Hut whore didn't bone that culture back when.

Everyone should write an article about these shouts. Maybe we can return shouts to the all-American pasttime we all know and love. We'll show these pranksters who's who, right?

Other fine patriots
30 Shouts is Way Too Many
Anyone who's black-and-white is a friend o' mine.

30 Reasons Why 30 Shouts is Ridiculous
Some woman's opinion on it. I know she shouldn't be allowed to vote, but at least she's on the right side.

30 Shouts Isn't Enough
Some hobo that likes looking at halfnaked men is against the cause. Everyone should probably harass him.

Serenading Plato
Rainy sings the song we were all thinking of, to make sure it's stuck in our head for the remainder of the day.

Shouting - The Only Way of Communication
European queerosexuals agree with our cause. Pigs will be flying soon, too.

Lemme know if you're a patriot and deserve to be here. And stop buying gold, go earn it.

God damn whippersnappers,