Your New Family.

Day 1,112, 04:49 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room

This shade of blue should penetrate your very soul with nostalgia.

This week's theme theme?
-Courtesy of Asian Culture.


Thanks for electing us America, we love you, too. As I'm certain you are aware, this month is going to be the best Executive of all time. Josh Frost / PigInZen have constructed a melting pot of talent and sexual prowess which shall lead the country this month, whose immense experience will both help our country achieve greatness and also teach newer cabinet members what they know, so that their talent will live on.






Speedcat McNasty is the glue which holds our dysfunctional misfit cabinet together. He's the guy who nags on us to actually keep the country running, finds a bag of flaming Krems on his doorstep, etc.




Woxan is going to run our diplomatic relations as elegantly as a BLU Spy plants his butterfly knife into the back of a RED Heavy. Right about now is the time you should waddle over to your closet, grab a fresh pair of pantaloons, then return to this article. On second thought, go over to your closet again and grab an extra pair just in case.



Jewitt is going to run the stuff that the majority of you guys don't really give a crap about. If you want to swell his ePeen, go find him on IRC and chat about a hodgepodge of titillating facets of the eUSA economy.



St Krems is a Pakistani with a CP Medal.




Colin Lantrip likes to win battles for us. With his induction into Secretary of Defence, he will now plan which battles we are going to win, and THEN win them for us.




Blank Keating has written some of the most informative articles of all time. With his brilliantly written articles in the Department of Education, he is a prime fit for our retention programs. He is also a very, very attractive man. *purrs*




Ligtreb is our eMother. He raised a whole generation of eCitizens, and you could owe your life to this man. Word has it that he also plays a mean round of Monopoly.




I'm not really sure what Henry Arundel does, but he follows us around like a puppy and has some cool ideas, so I'm going to assume he's like our butler. He assures us that he is not as ugly as the man/wildebeest hybrid in his profile picture, but a select few members of the cabinet objected, and intelligent talk of photoshopping, and picture angles ensued.





Josh Frost's administration has some interesting plans lined up for this month involving acquiring new regions so that we can have a full set of Raw Materials. If we achieve this, our worker productivity will be higher, and by extension, more money in your paycheck. Of course, to do this he needs your military assistance in conquering these lands from our traitorous neighbor to the South.


Your quest, should you choose to accept it, is to sign up to the eUS Military. I shouldn't have to nag at you to do this, you get free supplies, and get to become eCommunist. Here's a small table of the minimum requirements for the various branches:



Once you have found what branch you are capable of joining, sign up:

Training Corps Sign-Up

National Guard Sign-Up

Mobile Infantry Sign-Up

Army Sign-Up

Cavalry Sign-Up

Airborne Sign-Up

Marines Sign-Up



Brozil


Need I say more?

We recently signed a Mutual Protection Pact with Brazil, which shifts power greatly towards EDEN. It also opens up new opportunities in South America, which is reviewed in depth by Gulden Draak.