Love that dirty laundry

Day 5,348, 14:56 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room
WHPR - Love that dirty Laundry



Day 5349
1.) Pfenix Quinn took a stroll.
2.) Money makes the world go 'round.
3.) Wars and rumors of wars.
4.) Love that dirty laundry.

PQ Took a Stroll.

Last Image Taken of PQ as he left the WH Garden


Hello e-earthlings. Bill Galaxia here standing in for Pfenix Quinn.

My erstwhile friend and occasional, err, umm, you know, partner, has evidently taken a stroll out the White House Garden to parts unknown. He sent a sub-space message on an encrypted channel asking me to beam in for a day or two to cover for him.

Of course, I was in an important, umm, celebratory session, with the eldest son of the dying Emperor Darmok the 37th. Thirty-Eight is heir apparent to the throne of Kanda IV. We'd just recently convinced the Ferengi entrepreneur formerly known as Plegg to close on a plan for a deal to bring Khoslan holosuite technology to Kanda IV with the ascendancy of the new reginme, when the call arrived from PQ saying "Come quickly!".


Naturally, I dropped my heavy load of duties on Kanda and headed straight over to this godforsaken e-planet of yours to help my old friend. I get here, right, and arrive at that little shack he calls a home, where there's no PQ, but a note is tacked up on the fridge: "Oh, hey, Bill, be sure to publish a WHPR. You know the drill."

And the fridge was empty.



Oy vey. The things I do for inter-stellar friendship.


Ackshually. After sniffing around a bit with my spies acquaintances here, I expect I do know what PQ got up to. If I can confirm before this write-up is done, then you will too.



Artist rendering of Bill Galaxia during his last visit to eRep World


Money makes the world go 'round.


"Partly it is just a matter of singing a hymn to the wisdom and majesty of the Government, but still more it is an act of self-hypnosis, a deliberate drowning of consciousness by means of rhythmic noise." -- Derphoof, on how the e-USA Government really works

So I reviewed transcripts of the gabfests being held by various muckety-mucks. Here's the gist...


The Presidential Cabinet and various Congressmutts has been busy bishes. Discussions and debates have bounced around regarding wars, real wars, training wars, and worries about ways your so-called government tries to help players play warplay.

You long-time e-jocks know debates've been going on since, oh, jeez, Day 721 or so on whether to mainly fund elite fighters who make or break victories vs. funding lower-level fighters who are the bulk of the active player population. This week was another round of all that.


Learned confabulations were engaged on...

...Is the GIMP program is really worth it? Debating points included... Maybe. Maybe not. Probably. Tentative conclusion: It's a popular program and potentially bad politics to get rid of it.

...Does anybody actually use the FBP program. Is it worth it? Does anybdoy even know what its? Discussion points: Hunh? The wut? Tentative conclusion: No. Barely anybody knows it exists and few use it.

---Is the Q1 Housing program worth it? Debating points covered were... Few people use it. But maybe it could be improved. OR maybe not. Tentative conclusion: Hmmmm...

...What's a smarter way to improve the hard hits, especially in air battles? Lots of interesting discussion on various ideas. Including: funding packs, distributing Q5 air weapons to air-gorillas at a certain rank or above. Tentative conclusion: maybe do both? Then they started hitting on the budget more or less like a dealer plays blackjack.



Listening in as usual, at one point the long-suffering hero-workers in the engine room let out a long sigh, then filed yet another work greivance with their union stewards regarding bureaucrats inventing new programs but not providing volunteers to run them, track results, etc. This was filed away for consideration in due course by a committee.




Absolutely the most remarkable part of these protracted chatfests occurred when Congresspups Arrden and shiloh13 matter-of-factly agreed on something.

At first, the moment seemed to pass by unremarked. Then a stunned silence sunk in as the other animals at the trough realized what had just happened.

Not being familiar I suppose with manifold interdimensional semiotics, nobody mentioned it, but I can state with a ceratin probability of truthiness that this momentous occasion was likely a butterly effect of the Dawn of New Era ushered in by the Proteus Administration's kickoff-in-the-garden, as reported in the previous edition of WHPR, which promises to bring peace, prosperity and goodwill to all e-creatures in the local universe within a remarkably short period of what you beings call "time".


Wars and Rumors of Wars.


President Proteus Predicts More War

There was also a bit of knocking around the question of the zillion-and-one training wars sponsored by the e-USA. A couple of folks asked if maybe it'd make more sense to focus more energy on "real" wars and developing a stronger strategy to bring pain to the nefarious CODE-niks.

Supreme Commander of the "Free" World of Asteria and Friends, Mister Vootsperson, gave a heavy sigh and noted, once again, that sponsoring Training Wars is part of what makes the e-USA somewhat likeable on the world stage rather than something to be shit upon, as in times past. (My words, not his. He is a gentleperson with decent manners.)

As far as taking a baseball bat upside the head of CODE, the following very fine accomplishements were ticked off:

- Russia has been wiped in cores for a least a month
- CODE has been removed from their main area for sponsoring training wars, mainland China
- CODE has been completely removed from Venzuela, Arabia and Mexico, pretty much leaving them only with bases in Italy


Love that dirty laundry.



Oh good Lord. I was right. I can hear them chanting now. "Dicks out! Dicks out for Harambe!"

PQ is back with a mob of Harambists demanding that the Proteusians renounce any attempts to re-introduce a state religion.



Evidently he listened all the way to the end of that 3-hour-long drunken rant hilariously referred to, over and over and over, as "eNPR". And now he's on the warpath about "Dioism" again.



For those of you not familiar with this burning controversy, modern "Dioism" is a ridiculous e-religion that focuses on shouting nonsensical slogans, insulting various nationalities and religious groups, and pounding sand. It has been denounced by Dio Brando himself, who -- last time he was ever seen on this plane of existence -- simply said to his so-called "followers": "I am disappointed in you."

There's long been a vociferous faction of anti-Dioists in the SFP (PQ's home party) and, of course, PQ himself (an insufferable yet deliciously lovable nerd) has written extensively about the history of Dioism.

Part of his exigesis on it included a claim that the original Dioism, although still flawed in some ways, was essentially a philosophically "correct" appeal for developing peace and socialism in the New World. And that therefore it's rightful ideological heir is some monstrous thing called "Osmanyist-Nolanist-PQ Thought".


As you might imagine, that's gone over like a lead balloon. Unlikely to be remembered by anybody. Except Derphoof. He remembers everything.



OMG... This shit never ends. Look at that poster they're carrying...






Yeah. OK. I'm good. Beaming back up to Kanda IV now. They have decent snacks there. Catch y'all again next time. Peace out, Bill G.