Ambient on/off

Join the new world


Do you know the Muffin Man?

Day 1,813, 14:28 Published in USA USA by TerminalHunter

So apparently there is this strange ritual that has been taking place since my incarceration and hiatus. There's this thing called a 'free market,' where really useful stuff is traded for these scraps of rather useless looking paper.

Coming from a market back in 2009 where cash was unheard of for the first few months you played, this is a welcome, if disconcerting, change. Clearly, someone wants people to have this "money" and I intend to find out what they have to gain from this change in policy.

Not that I mind in the slightest, I can give someone this paper that'd otherwise be doing nothing and they just start handing me muffins. My one true rock in this never-ceasing shifting of reality I call existence. Not only does it provide the much needed sustenance an able-bodied war criminal needs to carry out this torture he calls a life, but it also exudes warmth and fond memories of a past not quite as tainted by the atrocities of one's being. Oh, how this one pastry can pacify the demons of one man's psyche.

They speak to me and say the soft comforts one desperately needs in this piteous existence.

But I must be reminded of the cold and emotionless present if ever I could take comfort in the past...

This "economy" is some sort of conspiracy, but I'm going to go along with it for now since the eyes of my enemies are always scanning the horizon and this helps me to blend in with the unseeing populace.

Well, what else would these boxes be filled with?

However, there's been changes in this ritual since I've tasted the sweet air of freedom. Now when I give these papers to the muffin man, he expects more. I think I've spoiled him; He thinks he can get away with extorting me since I have these papers and he clearly wants them. I don't know what his angle is, but the muffins are of vital importance to my day to day metabolism so I'll play to his charade, for now.

What secrets do you hold.... WHAT HAVE YOUR MASTERS TOLD YOU.

I'm sure some other members of the vox populi who aren't a part of this heinous plot to disrupt the entire world's muffin supply would agree that paying more than 2 cents for a point of energy is ludicrous. Other sources indicate that there's very little profit in anything except high quality goods at current wages. Overcharging for food just weakens our D1 lines, and for what other purpose than collecting these scraplings of paper? How can you expect me to commit mass war crimes on an empty stomach?

Those of us who have not yet risen above our masters and seized the means of production can't stockpile massive quantities of food for the inevitable apocalypse. We have to buy our food when it's convenient and when we feel the blood lust start to overcome our senses and judgement; Extorting us with your dinky little roadside muffin establishment while we're in this heightened state of predatory sensory bliss is simply rude.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll have to eat what's left of my muffin stockpiles while I wait for more slips of paper to appear.

The sweet taste of the carnage sure to come.



Bia Pandora
Bia Pandora Day 1,813, 14:31

May I have some of whatever you are smoking? : ) Enjoyed, voted.

CryingLightning Day 1,813, 14:35

Bia, two dolars a bag!

Very weel written!

fingerguns Day 1,813, 17:29

'weel written' indeed

I'm talking about you tonight on eNPR probably.

bigcdizzle Day 1,815, 00:59

Love it. In spite of the ponies.


Post your comment

What is this?

You are reading an article written by a citizen of eRepublik, an immersive multiplayer strategy game based on real life countries. Create your own character and help your country achieve its glory while establishing yourself as a war hero, renowned publisher or finance guru.