Dear Dogpyle and Farts

Day 2,029, 15:37 • Published in USA USA • by Dogpyle

*please note - the below links do not necessarily reflect my views or opinions in the game. They are well written, coherent articles that have caught my eye or, at the very least, are articles that contain well written information about the goings on in eRepublik.*

It's long... But damn, it is good.
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/-the-soap-box-an-open-letter-to-all-politicians-2272284/1/20

AFA's new PP
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/hypocrisy-abounds-stewy-4-afa-pp-2273351/1/20

Wanna go fast?
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/time-to-blow-up-the-boat--2273477/1/20

FHS
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/female-height-syndrome-fhs--2274219/1/20


Want to start a paper but ain't got teh gold? PM Dogpyle for assistance



Farting

Hey eRepublik, you know why farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too.

All kidding aside (no, not really), you know what's wrong with this damn game? Yup, you guessed it; no farting. Or at least you can't share them with everyone. I mean, I'm sitting here and farting, and I know you are too, but we can't share them, you know? Can't even do a drive by. Seriously, how much more fun would this game be, if you could walk past someone you're not all that fond of, and give them a taste of your anal effervescence? Man, I'd be crop dusting my ass off (no pun intended).

Most women won't admit to it, but they fart. And unless you're a pre-thirty Peter Griffin, you fart too. Everybody does it. Just like pooping. Not everybody wants to admit that it happens, but it's a fact of life. And you know, the more I think about it, maybe there is some farting going on in this game. Maybe they don't smell in the traditional sense, but there are some things that really make this game stink. Let's put on the lubed up latex glove and go exploring, shall we?



Right now, the Media Module is that SBD (silent, but deadly) fart. There's a few people in there, writing some incredible stuff, and it just sits unnoticed. It's the same people commenting, voting (and I for one, appreciate every one of you) and interacting in the comments. The rest of you are missing out and making this game stink. Get off the "meta" game for awhile and come back to the actual game. You might be surprised at what you're missing out on.

I think most everybody would agree that "Unity" stinks. Bad. It's that fart that just won't dissipate. It started off as an impressive cheek rattler, and now the smell of it seems to be permeating everything. Unity is one of those über farts that actually gets stronger with age (kind of like farting in a mason jar, and then opening it a few years later). It doesn't seem possible, but there it is, getting worse and worse. What's funny to me, is all of this talk about "fixing" Unity. Wake up people. It's a big juicy fart. And just like the turd that comes after it, you can polish it all you want, but it's still a turd.



Speaking of turds; AFA and Ajay are just like a shart. Funny, horrifying, and disgusting all at the same time. You think it's going to be an innocent, funny little wind passer, and suddenly you've got a mess on your hands (well, in your pants, but you get where I'm going). The problem with a shart is that it's not always a simple task of cleaning it up (depending on how hard you were pushing). Sometimes it's just a matter of changing your shorts. But sometimes, you've got to change everything and take a shower. Maybe twice, just to be sure. And that's what we have to do, Dear Reader. We need to give the AFA a bath so they stop stinking up the place. So vote (s)tewy for AFA PP and get rid of at least one lingering stench in this game.



*Got a burning question? Does it burn when you pee? Then ask Dogpyle! With over forty years of experience in B.S., it's guaranteed he'll be able to answer your question, however incorrectly. Submit your questions by PM (subject: Dear Dogpyle) and receive 1 gold if your question is used in print. Remain anonymous by request.*

Dear Dogpyle,
Are you sex? Are you cola? Disco? Then what are you?
Signed, FurkanAG

Dear FurkanAG,
I am sexy personified. I am Rocka a Rolla. You can tell by the way I walk I'm a woman's man no time to talk. I am Dogpyle



Dear Dogpyle,
Recently, you have created content which was declared to be not legal.
You can see all your penalties in your Law Infringement List page.
Signed, Your eRepublik team

Dear eRepublik team,
Umm... Yeah... So what's your question? Can you guys get anything right?



Dear Dogpyle,
What do you think about Unity?
Signed, Not United

Dear NU,
I don't like it. But I don't like the PTO threat either (Vote (s)tewy, PP for AFA). I also don't like green eggs and ham. I will not eat them Sam I am.

I'm really not sure what you're looking for with this question. As far as what I think about it, I think it sucks. But then, so does a crack whore. Neither is completely unpleasant, and if you look close enough you see that they both serve a purpose (maybe keep your eyes closed for one of them).



Dear Dogpyle,
How do you decide the questions you answer? Do you change them ever? How do I be anonymous?
Signed, Anon

Dear Anon,
Excellent questions. If I come up with an answer as soon as I read the question, it usually makes the column, unless something really good comes along (like this one) and I need the space. I prefer questions I can answer in a humorous way, but that makes my job easy, and I do like a challenge. As far as "changing" them, I'm going to assume you mean edit. Yes I do, but usually only for spelling, punctuation and capitalization. I don't make them into completely different questions. To answer your last question; just like that. You can say anonymous, anon, no name... Whatever. I'll get the idea.



Dear Dogpyle,
Where can we hear your music on line?
Signed, Redbird USA

Dear Redbird,
That's a good question. A really, really good question, because up until about twenty minutes ago, you couldn't. That's right, I created a Reverb Nation account just for you, Dear Readers. Dogpyle's last band went on permanent hiatus about a year ago. Since then I've been running sound (I'm a bass player, I own a PA) and doing sub jobs. Anyways, up on RN I posted a couple of my originals, one is an instrumental written on a lazy Sunday afternoon, the other started out as a joke with a co-worker and turned into an actual song. That's me on vocals. It should be noted that the idea for Mossy came from the movie Falling Down. The last two are covers of Foreplay/ Longtime recorded in a basement with my last band, with our original vocalist for a demo CD. http://www.reverbnation.com/dogpyle?profile_view_source=profile_box


Peace, Love, and Happiness. Dogpyle out.