A Duel of Moguls

Day 1,037, 17:11 • Published in USA USA • by Myles Robinson

Friends, I need your help.

I have never used this newspaper to explicitly solicit subscribers before. Nay, I've spent most of my time here reporting on foreign news, defending dolphins, helping ATO efforts, and explaining positions and happenings within the eUS Government. But today, as you find yourselves flooded with boring articles about congressional elections, I come to you with a serious request for help. Today, I face a foe of tremendous proportion that seeks to steal the Sacred 42 from me. A man who supports genocide against dolphins.

Our Dear Leader, St Krems.



As you can see, nestled snugly between the PUBLIUS FIST and Empress Astra, Krems and I duel for position. Using the importance and prestige of his office, he has managed to quickly catch up to me and now trails me by only 8 votes. Yes, that is right. This President of the United States is only 8 votes behind me, trying to sneak up on me in an effort to kill me off before heading to page 4 of the American Mogul rankings, where he will move on to catch up to Flufferton, the Great Ape, and Big Brother, fending off kyle321n and the traitor, Pizza the Hut, in the process, who all have more subscribers than the President, St Krems.

Friends, we cannot allow this raging anti-dolphin tyrant to usurp the media and engage in this suppression. Who does he think he is? The President?

Nay! I will not succumb to this tyrant! This Duel of Media Moguls will not be won easily, St Krems. I shall put up a fight! You cannot silence the people!



If you love liberty, freedom of expression, dolphins, drunken diatribes, duels, America, ice cream, the media, freedom of conscience, and "News, Inc." as opposed to a mere "Note Book", then not only will you vote up this article, but you will subscribe to this newspaper and show this President that the people will not succumb to his propaganda!

Krems' Paper:


My Paper:


Love,

~Myles Robinson~
Dueling Mogul