A Citizens Outrage

Day 997, 22:16 • Published in USA USA • by Chocolate McSkittles

Upon reading this article by Gulden Draak, I was outraged. I have worked with President Krems for months now, and have always been impressed by both the quality of his work and the steadfastness of his character. To see someone creating such a media firestorm questioning such character bewildered me, knowing what a great guy he is, even as a Brit

Knowing that this was simply a facade, a political ploy designed by those who hate the idea of a better America, I began to create a counterargument. I wanted to show America the President that I know. The President who always put country first and would never do anything harm it or its citizens. The President who has created hope after a month of sadness.

I approached him both as a friend and a journalist, determined to uncover the truth and quell these dark allegations.

"Krems, wtf is this shiz yo?"

He looked at me with a slightly bewildered look. Something I can’t quite explain, let alone re-enact. It disturbed me.

After a moment of quiet contemplation, he replied with a question he repeated over and over again with increasing strength, one so vulgar I will not inflict it upon my classy readers.

Over and over again.

My responses, which were made nearly inaudible due to the overpowering volume and intensity of his demand, were as such:

"Sir, I'd love to but now is not the time."

"It might make Hamilton jealous."

"I was honored the first time you asked but this is getting out of control."

"By Dio, can you think of anything else?"

Disgusted I finally ran from the room for fear of both mine and subsequently Little Choc’s lives, to share this story of gross misconduct within the walls of the White House.

Terrified, I began to talk to friends and old contacts to see what had become of the bastion of liberty, and began to hear more and more terrifying displays of misconduct within the Oval Office, all of which I will reveal to you as soon as I pull together proper sources to avoid the appearance of journalistic ineptitude.

I will work tirelessly, for there are shadows in the closet of this administration and I intend on revealing them for you, the American people, to see.

In the spirit of honesty and goodwill, I encourage all readers to subscribe to the Presidents personal newspaper so that they might hear the words of our President and his counter to these allegations. It's only fair that all citizens are presented with all perspectives and are able to build their own opinion.

Godspeed,
Choc