James S. Brady Press Room
Dateline: 17, April, 2021 (Day 4897)
Location: James S. Brady Press Room, The White House
1: War Update ft. Dominar Rygel
2: The Great Replacement ft. LoganBeary
3: “Real” “News”
4: I'm Bad ft. Thedillpickl
1: War Update ft. Dominar Rygel
A moment of appreciation for Voots. He has been working nonstop coordinating battles and strategy with our allies. Dude is a madman. Seriously, thank you for trying your best to keep us on the map.
Our RWs and directs are being timed along with other Asteria RWs, in order to get maximum battle drain efficiency. Still, it’s a tough fight. We have to give it our all.
Our allies appreciate us standing by their side, thick and thin. As someone who was in the room where it happened, I can tell you that “being on the winning side” was not our primary reason for leaving CODE. Now, we have a chance to prove it, and we are proving it well. We are in an alliance of nations who stand by one another, and the eUS is better for it.
2: The Great Replacement ft. LoganBeary
I looked up from my desk when I heard the sound. It sounded like a crash, but I wasn’t sure from where. Wilker ran into my office, with his usual charm. I never could figure out how he was always so charming.
“Did you hear that, LB?”
“I did. What do you think it was? Should we call someone?”
“Not sure. Let’s go check it out.”
We walked quietly out of the office, a slight bit of trepidation hanging heavy in the air between us. Neither of us knew what we were going to find when we got into the hallway.
Walking slowly down toward the Oval Office, we heard what sounded like metal clanking and seemingly synchronized marching sounds. We peeked through the large wooden door and saw 10 robots standing in the Oval Office.
“What the heck is going on?” I whispered breathlessly to Wilker.
“I have no f-ing clue.” He responded incredulously.
We stood and watched for a few minutes when an eerie feeling crept down my spine. One of the robots was sitting in President Voots’ chair and looked WAY too much like our president to be coincidence. The robot even had a perfectly coiffed mullet. The robot standing directly to his right was an exact replica of Thee Dude, even down to the long luscious hair. It was almost as if these robots WERE our government officials. I tried not to hyperventilate. Wilker pulled me close and whispered in my ear.
“You HAVE to get ahold of yourself so we can figure out what’s going on.”
“You’re right. You’re right.” I agreed, giving myself a moment to just rest in his arms.
I took my place on the left side of the slightly ajar door and tried to listen. The sound of beeping and booping filled my ears, and I would have laughed had I not been so nervous and uncertain about what was happening.
“Beep beep. We must focus on disrupting the TW’s for Croatia to make them expend effort and energy. Boop boop.”
The robot Voots nodded mechanically while running his robot hand through his hair.
“Beep beep. We also need to crush the Rompers.”
“Boop boop. But there are just too many of them.”
My mind felt like it was going to explode. What happened to our entire cabinet? Why were Wilker and I spared from turning into robots? It just didn’t make any sense. Several large tank-like robots stood up from their seats.
“Boop boop. We are being called to battle. Must go fight.”
They started marching toward the door where we stood, so Wilker swept me into a closet directly across the hallway from the Oval Office. It smelled of clorox and lysol, oddly enough, one of my favorite smells. We had closed the door completely, but I managed to sneak it open a crack before the two large tank robots made their way into the hall. Man, their walking was loud!
Wilker pulled me back from the door and whispered in my ear.
“Ok, so we need to figure out what to do with all of this information. Should we report them to the administration? I mean, robots aren’t allowed in the White House. Oh sh$t! What do we do!?!”
“WILKER! Get ahold of yourself!” I slapped his right cheek, which seemed like the right thing to do. It was interesting how the tables had shifted from only a few minutes prior. “We just have to act like everything is ok and normal until we know more information.”
“You’re right. You’re right. Ok. We can do this.”
We smoothed our clothes, which were quite wrinkled from all the hustling, and took a few deep breaths together. It wouldn’t look suspicious for us to come out of the janitor’s closet, looking disheveled. Well, at least we could say our messy appearance was from something a little more amorous.
When we opened the door, the Oval Office door was standing wide open now. Wilker gave me a head nod and somehow I knew that meant I should go into the room. President Voots was sitting at his desk, rifling through some papers, but it wasn’t the robot Voots, it was normal Voots. I turned to look at Wilker with wide eyes. He looked back at me as we spoke almost telepathically in unison.
“WHAT THE F…”
“HEY LB! Wake up!”
“Wha, wha, what’s going on?!” I jolted up from my couch to see Wilker smiling at me with a cup of hazelnut coffee.
“I brought you your favorite coffee from Java Joe’s.”
Damn, he had a dazzling smile.
“Omg. Thank you so much! But, Wilker?”
“What about the robots?”
“What are you talking about LB? There aren’t any bots in the White House.”
I sat up on my leather office couch for a moment and rubbed my eyes. I desperately tried to clear the cobwebs in my brain. Had it just been a dream? It might have been my imagination running wild, but I could have sworn I heard, at that very moment, a very quiet “beep boop.”
3: “Real” “News”
Things have been happening in the country. Sometimes these things are important enough to be talked about.
First up, long-time eCanadian Thedillpickl has returned to the eUS! Some love him, some hate him, but he says he wants to help in our fight for freedom against CODE. The results? Only time will tell.
Next up, the nation is down to only four regions! We will quite possibly be wiped by the time congress elections roll around. The Education team is working on an article detailing some of the game mechanics behind that, and how it affects regular citizens. That article will also go over protocol for our meta congress, but I’ll go over it here as well. In a nutshell, until we get regions and congress again, each party will retain the same amount of delegates and congressmen that they currently have, and the PPs will choose new people to serve on the 25th of each month. This “shadow congress” will serve in place of an elected congress until we are able to hold an in-game election once more.
For more information on shadow congress, please review the “II. Congressional Principles” section of the eUS Constitution.
And in another bit of news pertaining to WHPR: I am looking for contributors! I’ve been trying to get more pieces about eUS history in WHPR every week, so if you have a story you’d like to share about times gone by, feel free to type it up and send it to me! I’d be happy to make a segment here for it.
That said, I’ll transition us into our next segment, an example of the eUS history writing I mentioned above:
4: I'm Bad ft. Thedillpickl
My good friend Wilker Nath asked if I could write a bit about the USA I remember. I'm not sure if that's a good idea. If it's late and you're not going to bed soon ya might want to grab some coffee.
I was out of work in RL and browsing the internet, something quite new at the time. I ran across a link to some free game you could play online. I thought it was a trick to download malware onto my computer. I read a review on a trusted site, so I threw caution to the wind and the rest is history.
In The Beginning
The first time I looked around for a minute and left without doing anything. I know, should have stopped there.
😖When I came back a week later I had a message from someone named CRoy. I found out later that certain people check daily for new citizens and poach them before anyone else. If only allowed one adjective I'd have to say "slick" describes CRoy best. He introduced me to the United Independents Party. I also stumbled into Dumb Emma. She helped me a lot. I finally realized CRoy was using me to troll Josh Frost who was PotUS at the time. If you're interested, here's an old article of mine that goes into more detail. Interesting note, the article's title is The Beginnings of a Traitor, yet here I am.
Believe It Or Not We Did Stuff
Before farming BHs was all the rage there was plenty to do. I remember how important my party was (UIP). Wilker was there too, we were both noobs. I remember staying up for hours doing MMs (sending the same message in a hundred or more PMs). That's how you'd get people elected to Congress. Each candidate would be assigned a region and would run against candidates from the other top 5 parties. You'd use Mass Mailings to solicit votes. (My region was Nevada!) You actually had to campaign back then because you were running against individuals.
We also did more than poke the Work button. If you made your own RM you had to move it and the gold you made in and out of your Org. There were all sorts of tricks back then. The best part was messaging your workers and helping them. No WaMing back then. Usually you could work swap with a friend but that was only one free worker, you had to pay everyone else. Happy workers produced, sad workers didn't give a crap.
There was a robust media then, people communicated in articles. A personal favorite was Sam Wystan , his newspaper, The Feildist. The link takes us back for a look at the Inci invasion and an interview, which Sam was famous for. Another favorite was Phoenix Quinn, whose over the top, fanciful stories kept you reading. We also could make Advertisements!
Our MUs were another thing altogether back then. Most were highly structured organizations, with lots of RPing. They were reliant upon the "slave pits" in which new members labored to supply cheap labor for the MU's communes. The commune supplied the heavy hitters with food and weapons. My favorite MU was Pickle's Patriots.
Quite possibly the most important part of the game for some players is part of the Meta-Game. Oh, there are buttons and whatnot in game but 99% of politics is done in chatrooms and Private Message. While I have thoroughly enjoyed other aspects of eRep, politics has consumed the majority of my time here.
For an example, in my early career, I was elected multiple times to US Congress. I was chosen several times to be the Congress Whip. Although unusual, Congress even chose me to be the Whip even though I wasn't elected. (This is funny!) There were some in leadership that weren't fond of me. When Congress voted me for Whip in absentia, Henry Pfeiffer Arundel was irritated. He insisted that only a member of Congress could be chosen as Whip. Someone looked in up in the Constitution which said only that Congress shall nominate and elect themselves a Whip. It made no stipulation that the Whip must be a member of Congress. Henry blew a gasket (he didn't like to be proven wrong), said I was just a "glorified errand boy".
Tie It Off
Well, like my Profile says, I've done stuff. Now I've swung back 'round to visit the US again. Don't know what I plan to do. I'll just smile, nod and pretend I know what I'm doing. Thanks for reading!
Here's the link: https://youtu.be/12BbI-kmrpI
Easin' down the highway in a new Cadillac
I had a fine fox in front, I had three more in the back
They sportin' short dresses, wearin' spike-heel shoes
They smokin' Lucky Strikes, and wearing nylons too
[WHPR] The Great Replacement!
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