[CP] The Biggest Update I've Ever Written. Sweden. Boom.

Day 3,252, 03:14 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by 10 Downing Street

Hello Nation,

A week is a long time and for a limited time only in this here newspaper I am able to give you actual good news.
Please try to contain yourself and breathe into a small brown paper bag.

Good news is on it’s way…

Brace yourselves...




The Swedish Skirmish

Last month we got right royally double teamed by Sweden and America within a few days of the Horice Experiment. Our collective backsides were handed to us and we slowly became a satellite state.

We then got stuck in this pattern:

RW - Liberate - MPP Battle - Loose - Repeat

Come the start of this month the Swedish CP, Slagter (which is not a reference to the Sweeney), asked me if we wanted to end the war or carry on.

The terms for ending it : 100000cc and a NAP with Norway and Sweden.



How much?!

Ask the cabinet, I hate spending money so to give away 100k was not something I wanted to do. I asked Congress what they wanted and the general consensus was “Why do you want to give the Swedes money?”

Now negotiations, which I assumed these were, usually have a bit of to and fro.

These did not.

Me: Sorry don’t think we’re prepared to pay 100k and a NAP with Norway is silly because I had no intention of invading them.

Sweden: Have an NE proposal on us.

SHITE.

So we braced ourselves and prepared for the oncoming storm.






THEN…







Chaz: Hey, Karacticus, you know if you open three fronts at the same time, pray and be really nice to all of our allies we might be able to push the Swedes back and close off this war.

Me: Yeah right.

Chaz: Seriously, I’m semi-sober. It’ll work all I need is for you to say yes and if it goes wrong the blame is on you.

Me: Can’t we airstrike Nigeria and move the country there?

Chaz: No. Do you want a slap?

Me: No. Fine do the thing with the thing then.

And so it came to pass that Operation K.I.M came to pass.










Thank You, You

K.I.M would not have worked at all if you lot hadn’t turned up, started RWs, spent money and followed orders. I’m not one for gushing tributes but we’d still be eating meaty balls if not for the people of the eUK.

Hopefully now we can have a rest…

What America has some of our regions too...FFS...









Our Allies

Big.
Massive.
Very Large.

Those are the thanks we need to give to all of our friends out these in the eWorld who stood with us and helped make K.I.M a success. It’s not often that we go cap in hand begging for help but when we did they all came out and fought for us.

You lot are lovely...why aren’t we in some sort of formal alliance?

Oh yeah thank you Belarus for THIS...It made me all warm and fuzzy inside.










Norway

Alright butties.

I have no intention of attacking you as the Swede Government want you to believe. In fact I’m happy to say if you want any help with anything just ask. No country should be held at ransom by another. You are not a Swedish puppet state and we are more than happy to help you enforce that.

There are more options out there if you look past Sweden.








Chaz

As a token of my gratitude for making me look competent I have promoted Chaz to the office of vCP. Without his intense hatred for Sweden we’d still be in the mire. He has spent a considerable amount of money, time and effort getting that plan to work.

If we’d lost I’d have taken the blame but yeah he marshalled the troops, worked with command and our allies.

Have a gold star Chaz.














Belgium

We’re not renewing our MPP with Belgium.
Their CP informed me that he’s not happy about our MoSB articles offering some Belgians refuge from the evil PTOers in charge of their country.

That’s fair enough but if Belgium want our help you know where we are.









Horice

Sad news.
Horice is eDead.

I hope that this is not a sign of the end times but we are all deeply saddened by his demise and for that reason I declare a week of national mourning starting on Monday.

I would like you to share your stories of Horice and our MoHA will produce a fitting tribute packed with your stories and comments next week.
Horice we salute you.

Sleep well my angel of spam.








Alliance



As the quest for an alliance goes on ever longer I had a thought.
I have not shared this thought with congress or cabinet.
It is a bad thought.

Why don’t I just start an alliance myself and get people to join?

How hard can it be?

I’m looking for countries who are:

Strong.
Tall.
Handsome/Pretty.
Have a GSOH.
Are very agreeable to new experiences.
Want to have fun.
See new places.
Eat out.

I’m think about calling the alliance S.P.A.M - Special Players Are Magnificent…



Right I’m going for a lie down.
No one N.E. us while I’m gone.



Hugs,



K
















P.s. K.I.M stand for Karacticus is Moronic