The weed is mightier than the sword.
I've decided to call my new dog "5 miles"
So I can tell everyone I walk 5 miles every day.
I never know whether to be angry or impressed when I can't get the lid off a tube of superglue.
No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers, the cashier keeps on putting them back!
You know you're having a bad day when even the Rice Krispies give you the silent treatment.
After spending hours in A&E, I can safely say that it's better than any comedian...
Once again, I'm leaving in stitches.
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