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Dear eCanadians,

Today I am addressing you on a pressing issue affecting many facets of eCanadian life: its politics, its companies, its babybooms and busts. I am speaking of the growing zombification of eCanadian politics as the waking dead continue to fill our ranks. Who am I speaking of? These are the citizens who lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, and now lie dormant in our companies and political parties. Some of the more famous recent resurrections you may be familiar with might be the raising of Emerick and never-ending life of Banach. In fact, every week someone posts an article or shout saying, “I’m back!”

Before you engage in hysterics over someone’s undying grandmother posing a threat to our economy and safety, I would instruct you to read Acacia Mason’s most recent article about tolerance, aptly called “Remember That We Were Human Before.” In it he reminds us, “Age, race, colour, religion, orientation and all that “stuff” is irrelevant in terms of anyone’s ability to lead.” I could not agree more…when it comes to the living, yet it’s an entirely different matter for those who are not. There are certain things a zombie is meant to be – a cheap meaty filler as a substitute for real employees or active party members. Using them to achieve a productivity bonus or Top 5 ranking is all fine and dandy, but there are limits.



A brief history of zombie productivity


Before I explain the plight of our zombies, I must first tell you that I count myself among the re-animated dead. I bade you all farewell two months ago, only to be resurrected by the voodoo machinations of jbdivinus during his necromantic foray into the CHAOS party. Unbeknownst to me, my corpse then took charge of the party and even went so far as to run for Presidential Office. It is worrisome to think of what other things my undead citizen did during my absence.

I am not alone in this. Earlier this week, my fellow zombie, Azzeraith quite bravely revealed how he, too, unwittingly found himself President of TAP when saltydog tried to “end it all.” Luckily, we have activists such as zblewski who have decided to take charge of an abomination such as this

But why shouldn’t a zombie run on a ballot or take a leadership role? It only seems to make sense that we see an increased representation of zombies on our ballots. As hb741 has pointed out, our number of dead grew by 1000 in the past month. Now that’s almost 25% of the regular citizenship, indicating the undead have potential to become a strong minority.

Demographics may be an important factor in determining election results as they relate to the particular needs of voter blocks, just look the success of Union Nationale for proof. As a self-professed zombie, I have a fairly good idea what they want out of e-life, or e-death (or somewhere in between). The living dead demand very little, perhaps too little. They have no worries about wellness, so what good is a Gift or a House to put them in when they are content roaming the streets day and night. They have no interest in purchasing Guns, preferring bare hands and bare teeth. You’ll never see a zombie worrying over the Grain Industry, since the only Food that feeds their ranks are the aborted and bored progeny of babybooms. As for zombie Hospitals, well now that would be plain silly.



Who needs grain in a zombified society?


So I, as a concerned member of the zombie masses, plead to the living: “Prevent the Zombification of eCanadian Politics.” Do not allow your neighbourly zombie to take up a leadership role or even occupy a spot on any ballot. An undead politician will only work to satisfy the needs of the undead populace. Sure, a zombie president will promise babybooms, but he’ll under-deliver on providing sufficient food, jobs, or wars. This lack of stimulation will result in a n00b die-off, increasing the zombie horde. The future of eCanada does not bode well in the hands of an undead president.

To stop my citizen from becoming PP once more, I need my own Personal Zeblewski for the salvation of CHAOS. When I’m gone again (for real this time!), I can’t claim responsibility for anything this Plugson corpse might perpetrate. Zombies are fine for propping up the productivity of a company or party ranks, but I still have to say they don’t belong in office.

So all I ask are two things:

A) A living citizen who would like to carry on the distinguished legacy of CHAOS, a party known for its artistic outreach to other political parties and programs encouraging new players to become engaged in the election process.

😎 A company owner who can keep my corpse employe😛 Land Skill 10.5; Wage Demands $0 CAD. A great deal. All I ask is that you keep on eye on him and make sure he doesn’t wander off doing ridiculous things like run for congress. You’d be doing us all a favour.


With that said, it’s goodbye again. Anyone wishing to help me out can post a link to a job/company below or run for Party President of CHAOS (of the 12 Monkeys).

In typical fashion, I’ll leave off with a song. It’s dedicated to all zombies out there, even though you’ll never hear. For the listening audience, this goes out to those in the dying/already dead grain industry. Zombies may not be good enough, but it doesn’t mean you are.

“A House of Gold (and a Silo of Grain)”

If I had a suit and tie
I’d show up at your office door
They'd mispronounce my name
Pocket full of one week's pay.

I'd see them point and stare and call.
If looks could kill they'd kill us all.
The worst thing you could think at all
Is maybe we're not good enough.

When the rains come back again
Would they put us down below?
When they sink this old ship
Would they even let us know?

I'd see them point and stare and call.
If looks could kill they'd kill us all.
The worst thing you could think at all
Is maybe we're not good enough.

Again I fall.
Again I fall.