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The Department of Media:

The wonderful Joshua Patterson has been called upon for a special mission. It is integral to the security of Ohio and will likely end in his untimely death. Or real life, something like that. That leaves me. I’ll be doing my very best to keep you informed despite my real life being about to pick up, I’ll suck it up for you, America. I’ll be doing my very best to keep you informed on the workings in your government and your country. People are hard at work all over the place and the average citizen can’t always know what all of them are up to. I’ll be keeping you informed.

Arm America and Meals on Wheels:

I know it’s hard to find the will to fight with the cost of weapons being what it is. Thinking of how your weapons are going to fade in a battle or two, leaving you short of cash can make anyone weep manly tears. Fear not. Herr Vootsman and the Department of the Interior is on the case. Herr is perhaps one of the hardest working citizens in our country, Not only is he Quartermaster of the Mobile Infantry, he is the Secretary of the Interior. The amount of time he spends on the donate screen must surely rot his brain faster then even the Jersey Shore can. We can’t let that sacrifice be made in vain.

Arm America was created to give Americans not involved in the military an opportunity to fight with higher quality weapons in order to help the United States. Herr and his team have been working hard to revamp this program for V2. This is crucial. Fighting battles is half of the game and if people don’t fight in them (being afraid of wearing their weapons down) they will begin to drift away. I am pleased to say Herr has completed the revamping process. You can now request weapons on the eUS forums. If you cannot get on the boards immediately due to an error, refresh a couple times. If you still cannot get on, come back in a few minutes. I highly encourage all Americans to ask for weapons. It increases not only the amount of damage we do, but your level of interest you have in the game. Trust me, I received an honorary doctorate.

The Department of Interior hasn’t settled on saving America once. They are attempting to do it twice. It is a bold strategy, setting up such high expectations for other departments (like mine, cures you) but it seems to be the best course of action. The Interior is revamping Meals on Wheels as well. The admins have made a change allowing citizens to eat multiple times per day, rather then the one automatic consumption that was the rule earlier. Coupled with the addition of happieness, the Meals on Wheels program needed to be changed.

If you are under level 12 and need help feeding yourself, request some food here. They’ll send you some delicious food. Maybe a milkshake or something. Whatever it is, it’ll make you feel healthy and happy. We highly encourage all new players to sign up for this.
I want to remind Americans of this important bit. All Americans, not just those using Meals on Wheels. You no longer consume food automatically, That means you need to remember to click the consume button every day, otherwise you lose health and happiness, rather then gain it. Embrace your natural passion as Americans and eat.

Party President Elections and ATO Updates

We secured a victory. The Huns tried (unsuccessfully, I might add) to take over SEES, the number three party in the United States. We want all Americans who participated and voted for the ATO operations to send themselves one of these. All of the Top 5 parties (the parties that can propose candidates for President and Congress are safe and sound.

We can’t rest on our laurels though America, there were issues with the election. The fact that we had to worry that much and work so hard on the fifteenth means that something went wrong. Not to worry, our accented president has put our accented Chief of Staff on it. Inwegen is known for doing things, doing them well, and doing them fast. Expect more details shortly on how our election and ATO teams will be changed. The changes will only serve to make America more secure then ever.

Links, oh my:
• The President’s Newspaper – Apparently this guy writes things. Wut?
• The Vice President’s Newspaper – Well hello there, muscular fellow.
• The Pony Express – Hey, these could use sexier graphics. Art junkies, PM me. Nao.
• Department of Defense Orders – Follow these or you posses a serious character flaw.

Don’t hate me,

Kentel
Secretary of Media