Under New Management

Day 1,674, 16:02 • Published in USA USA • by Cthulhu..

First some tips for you all out there in TV land.

The Five Pillars of Zombie-Fighting

Never underestimate the zombie
Zombies are not mindless hunters. They are swifter and craftier than one might expect. A lone zombie can burst out of hiding and take a chunk out of you in the blink of an eye.

Never engage a zombie if you can avoid it
Though zombies are surprisingly quick in confined spaces, they are not swift runners. Engage the zombie only when you are trapped, and escape is not an option.

Focus on the task; keep fear out of your head
No one, no matter what their powers of description, can fully prepare you for your first encounter with a zombie. Their grotesque appearance and smell, along with the inhuman noises they emit, can induce a level of fear and terror that precludes rational response and causes one to freeze. You must not react to the zombie's appearance. Focus instead on delivering a combination of offensive and defensive strikes that will buy you enough time to escape.

Do not allow the zombie to get a grip on you
Once a zombie wraps you in its powerful grip, your prospects for survival are minimal. Therefore, your first priority must be deflecting away the zombie's hands.

Seek medical attention after any encounter
Always have trained medical personnel examine you as soon as possible after any encounter, even if no wounds are visible. The zombie virus can enter your body through the smallest opening in your skin, be it a scraped knuckle or a nicked elbow.





ZOMBIES!!!!!

We are everywhere, fellow undead. We have citizens from all over the world under our banner and we all work towards ONE goal: Dominating American politics. We work tirelessly, without sleep, only stopping to eat the occasional meatstick that walks by. We will put forth our best candidates for Congress, get them elected, and represent our country with pride and dignity. We will ensure that only the best contenders get our endorsement for Country President. We are LEGION.



As your new Zombie Lord, I am going to be breaking a bit from Henry Arundel's leadership style. He led our party with an iron fist to great showings in Congressionals and in the Whitehouse. Henry will still be involved, but my style is a little more tender. I welcome new members from other parties, countries, and military units. If you work hard and eat a lot of meatsticks, you will undoubtedly be rewarded. We have openings in every department, so get involved, get to work, and get the most out of erepublik.

Fill out this form to get involve😛 http://tinyurl.com/EBZHUSWP .

My goals this month are simple.

• Get as many if not more seats in Congress this month.

• Shop around for a strong Country Presidential candidate with balls. HUGE, ENORMOUS, ATTACK EVERYONE and BURN THE WORLD BALLS.

• Inject new membership into the Zombie Horde.

• Groom hard-working, mature, and intelligent people for the prestigious Executive Board.

• Have fun and troll as many people as possible...HARD.



HAIL AMERICA

Regards,


Citizen, eUSA
Congressman, Maryland
TheAssMan
Signature courtesy of PieGuy.







It's the F---ing Catalina Wine Mixer.