Dear citizens, members of Congress!
Yesterday, shoot gained the German presidency through well-documented electoral fraud (here, here, here). Despite long-standing and well-founded suspicions of him being a Swedish mole and collaborator, the people of Germany decided to grant him a chance and prove himself faithful to German interests.
After spending most of the day in hiding and evading attempts to contact him, shoot finally revealed his true colors by initiating a coordinated sequence of military transactions leading to the return of regions previously occupied by Poland: as shoot attacked Hessen, Bavaria, and Vorarlberg using funds provided by the enemy, the Polish president retreated within seconds. These retreats are only explicable as part of a deal shoot appears to have cut with the enemy: they would vote him into power in exchange for Germany signing a highly unfavorable peace treaty.
None of this has been made known to, let alone approved by the German Congress. Instead, these plans were concocted clandestinely in order to secure shoot's electoral victory and maximize the element of surprise.
We, the undersigned, call for the immediate impeachment of shoot. Although we do not know the terms of the treaty of which these transactions are part, it is obvious that Poland would only surrender these hard-fought regions in exchange for a very favorable peace treaty. With Germany having allied several of the New World's strongest military powers in the past few days, there is no conceivable reason, no plausible rationale, no possible justification for cutting a deal with Poland at this point. In addition, shoot has violated all democratic rules by bypassing Congress. We are thus led to believe that shoot is a foreign agent abusing the presidency to further Swedish and Polish interests and must be immediately removed from power.
We ask all congressmen to vote YES on the upcoming impeachment proposal.
Minister of Defense~
Update: shoot has confessed.
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