Teh Career Politician

Day 834, 11:36 • Published in Canada Canada • by Tyler F Durden






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Hi! I'm Career Politician! You may have seen me in every cabinet presentation since Zanalan! I never say what I really mean and I never really mean what I say! Try and guess which one I am now! I choose to endorse the candidate that places me in his cabinet and all the key people in my party who I have to keep happy in order for them to stay or at the very least not try to overthrow me. I refuse to take a stand on any issue just in case it hurts my public image. After all, better to point a finger and laugh at my opponents than to have to back pedal cuz I opened my mouth! Today I am here to talk to you about who to vote for. Our first guest is Dr. Nick Riviera!




Hi ev'rybody! If you have a pending lawsuit against me, please contact my lawyer, Lionel Hutchins! Now, as we all know, in two days we elect the next Country President. Now, nobody really cares about active players votes - this is elementary. If someone who is active can't decide who to vote for, then they require the help of my latest invention: Teh Brain Randomizer! More on that later! No, CP elections are ALL about getting the '2-clicker' vote. Let's talk to one right now...




Why are you pointing that at me?!? No, I don't know anything! Wha...it is election time? Whoa! Okay, what ads are up? Okay... Now how many people in the party that happened to be the first to contact me when I was a n00b voted to endorse that guy? What? More than 4% of but less than 5% of Party membership? Okay, that's democratic after all! I hope I can find out how to vote in time!




Zzz....snort huh? The hooker is dead? Who's got my blow?
Oh...thank you Dr. Nick Riviera and guest. Now I'd like to introduce another guest speaker, Lionel Hutchins.




Holy sh!t!!!! The CEP is endorsing a DAL candidate!!!1 Not Teh Oligarchies!!!!1
Hehe, just kidding folks. This election promises to elect us a new Country President!
Thats right boys and girls and if you haven't decided who to vote for, it's okay - they both have practically the same guys in their cabinet! National Goals? Meh. Oh, times up.
Back to you Career Politician!




Damn you Hutchins! That wasn't an hour!
In conclusion, I'd like to wrap up our little tete a tete with a hint to all Country President candidates. Meet your new best friend - Mr. Happy Bottle. That's right! When you're mass PMing everyone that is unfortunate enough to come online during election day, taking screen-shots of your tanking to imply you win battles single handed or blowing your life savings trying to outspend your opponent in ad coverage - remember Mr. Happy Bottle, he'll get you thru it!




I don't care about Whatshisname sucker stealing baby kissing man!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I want to kill coats! Hee hee hee hee hee! I don't care about what you keep the CAD at or how many ambassadors you'll expedite to backwater tinpot dictatorships! I'll vote for the guy who has me killing coats, any coats - blue coats, red coats or even technicolour dreamcoats... unnnnnnnngh..... technicolour dreamcoats... uuuuuhhhhhnnnnggg...





KILL HIM!!!!!!!!1!





Nothing to see here folks, carry on! Oh and when you see ads that tell you to:
"Vote with your brain", "Vote with your heart", &quot😉on't be a lemming", Make the smart choice" or "Vote with your hockey stick"...just remember - you vote with your left mouse button.



Woo - Hoo!


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