Goooooooooooooooood morning Amurica. Hey, this is not a test! This is rock and troll!
1. USA they are sorry they forgot to inform you
According to Polish Spokesman the non-existing CTRL is finally going to be less non-existent.
Translated from mordorish to civilized language:
Cooperation in the tetrangle - known also as CTRL - Poland, Spain, Brazil, USA is gaining momentum, and we should expect legalization of this structure. As a real alliance our position on the arena of international politics will be strengthened and new paths for cooperation will be opened.
Then there some shitz about close cooperation, some Brazilians helping Spaniards in Portugal, moving US MU companies to Brazil and Poland, even more mordorish about changing MPPs sets while being secured from attacks, USA dropping all Balkan MPP and last sentence is about a meeting which is about to be held in few days in order to come up with a charter.
USA Government - they are sorry aswell that they didn't inform you about:
"In general you want to exchange Hungary and Serbia for USA? You've got to be braindamaged from McDonald's"
In general we are befriending USA and brazil, while not changing relations with countries we like (Serbia and Hungary).
Well - at least the Free People would like to inform USA Government that after all you were heavily raped.
2. Ultimatum here, ultimatum there
Apparently Russia decided to inherit USA traditional dish and whole Thanksgiving idea, after USA surrendered to Free People demands and hence started eating Jer... jerseys.
Turkey found it offending and issued a warning, followed by similar law proposed in USA. Tho both NE proposals were rejected the message have been sent, Russians are searching for new dish, so no need for a suicide move.
On the other hand iNCi issued ultimatum concerning drop of the funding and then as a sign of protest dropped out from top5 parties.
Due to the fact that their place were taken by the Serbian aTO party we suggest US Government to just pay iNCi those 300k weekly. It's still better deal than paying 400k daily to Serbian National bank...
3. EDEN - the root of all evil
There are few reasons why is that. After all EDEN is the mythical place where mankind found the difference between good and evil and decided to leave.
EDEN causes butthurts everywhere since 2009.
People fall for EDENophobia, very delicate structures of their minds are being damaged due to the effects caused by EDEN-radiation.
And all of this is nothing to the fact that EDEN controls USA.
Well if he says so it must be legit. After all Sztandarowy is impartial, was never caught lying or interpreting facts as he wants or using sentences out of the context or using a faillogic.
Yes this guy really digged up to the truth and revealed the most diabolical plan that ever existed.
Yes, EDEN controls USA!
The fact that we rarely blended into eUS society, rather kept our avatars, created own MUs or parties and mostly hang out with people from our irl countries instead of pretending to be real Americans was just a decoy.
While US Intel closely observed EDENites moving openly and not hiding the fact that they are EDENites our scientist created a large chunk of clones.
So basically Artela is not Artela, Civil is not Civil, Israel is not Israel, Evry is not Evry. Same goes for Arundel, Cerb, A^2 and any other major player that is involved in politics or military - from PPs to the high commanders of USAF all are EDEN created clones.
Of course they are so loyal to us that they will never admit that they are in fact EDEN puppets even if interrogated using Soviet methods.
Whole plan was simple: we grab control over USA, create a fuss and CTRL, gain control over Poland with CTRL, then changing Ajay with his clone and through him getting control over Serbians in USA and through them over Serbia and with Serbia it would be easy to control whole world.
In fact we've planned this since very creation of EDEN in 2009.
So now since all is wasted we just have to nuke you all or something. Or you could just forget what you saw.
4. New promotion revealed - eR Labs project manager interrog... interviewed
Here's a part of it - for the full version got to Gold and Extras.
FP: So we've heard that you are planning some changes in military module - is that true?
eR: That's not quite the case. After we managed to kill economical module, we worked hard on the political one and in result we've come with the idea of voting for party instead of old system.
FP: Ok, but how it is relevant?
eR: You see - people cannot waste time on making money or planning strategies in politics. Everything must be simple - raw force, simple measures so that'd they wouldn't be distracted from military module.
FP: If you care so much for military then why you've killed almost 100% of strategy?
eR: Well - we deeply care for gold buyers so we don't want them to get distracted and sulking in planning campaigns - all must be simple - they just have to fight.
FP: But still how all of this is relevant to your plans?
eR: We decided to add new promo - first it will be a 'Once in a lifetime opportunity' and then we plan to make it casual once-in-two-weeks-promotion.
FP: And what this new promo is about?
eR: Alpha name is Wrath of the EDENite King.
We Paint the world with weird shit since forever...
FP: Why EDEN and why WoW?
eR: many players complained that EDEN is a zombie alliance, dead alliance so we thought about some sort of funny name. And I personally like WoW.
FP: But still why EDEN not any actually dead not zombie alliance?
eR: Because this promotion will be solely for EDEN players only. After all they are the only ones buying gold.
FP: And rest is doing what?
eR: Well - they claim they don't buy gold and we don't have any particular reasons not to trust them. After all have you ever met player outside of EDEN who would lie? So that's exactly the reason why we are going to IP-ban all off them out of this and probably all the other promos.
FP: So you take it by their word without any research?
FP: So could you tell me how they've managed to make all of their achievements?
eR: Food fights.
FP: Food fights?
eR: Yes - in fact that's the base of the new promotion - we've found some minor glitch which was allowing to fight extensively over the health limit and we were... not exactly able to remove it without removing whole war module.
eR: That's the other reason why we are calling this promo Wrath of EDENite King - we are planning to allow players to fight into negative energy. So as they'd be really undead. Also they will be able to transfer 100xenemy energy into wall for just a 1 gold.
FP: So basically you are telling me that you are planning to turn bug into feature and make people pay for it?
eR: Well, that sounds horribly bad if you put it this way. We prefer to call it moving a game into completly new direction...
FP: Bug into feature...
eR: Stop saying that... someone might listen...
5. For those who will stay in our hearts forever
President Israel Stevens released an article yesterday. Regarding his statement about Natural Enemy combined with the statement of Polish Govt we would like to light a candle.
In loving memory of eCanada. We'll miss you!
Yours wrathful Yellow lich-Pony of necromagic
If you are reading this and are not able to: read between the lines, understand irony, see the difference between eR facts and complete myth author suggest you going out and taking a deep breath. Actually few deep breaths.
What is this?You are reading an article written by a citizen of eRepublik, an immersive multiplayer strategy game based on real life countries. Create your own character and help your country achieve its glory while establishing yourself as a war hero, renowned publisher or finance guru.