Join the new world

I know this is not new or especially original...except for maybe the last couple.

*Guns don't kill people. Eugene Harlot kills People.
*There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Eugene Harlot allows to live.
*Eugene Harlot does not sleep. He waits.
*The chief export of Eugene Harlot is Pain.
*There is no chin under Eugene Harlot' Beard. There is only another fist.
*Eugene Harlot has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
*The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Cancer 3. Eugene Harlot
*The leading causes of death worldwide are: 1. Eugene Harlot's fist 2. Eugene Harlot's foot 3. Eugene Harlot's imagination


*Eugene Harlot doesn't go hunting.... Eugene Harlot GOES KILLING.
*Eugene Harlot uses mace to spice up his steaks.
*Eugene Harlot once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
*Crop circles are Eugene Harlot' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
*Eugene Harlot is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
*The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Eugene Harlot out. It failed miserably.
*Contrary to popular belief, Eugene Harlot, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
*Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Eugene Harlot has 72... and they're all poisonous.
If you ask Eugene Harlot what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

*When Eugene Harlot sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Eugene Harlot has not had to pay taxes, ever.
*The quickest way to a man's heart is with Eugene Harlot' fist.
*Eugene Harlot invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
*Eugene Harlot can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
*There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Eugene Harlot allows to live.
*Eugene Harlot once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
*What was going through the minds of all of Eugene Harlot' victims before they died? His shoe.
*Eugene Harlot is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
*Police label anyone attacking Eugene Harlot as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
*Eugene Harlot doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

*Eugene Harlot doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
*A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Eugene Harlot and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
*Eugene Harlot will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
*Someone once videotaped Eugene Harlot getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
*If you spell Eugene Harlot in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
*Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Eugene Harlot once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
*The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Eugene Harlot played in second grade.
*Eugene Harlot once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" (a gift granted by the goddess, fingerguns)
*Eugene Harlot once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Eugene Harlot re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

*Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Eugene Harlot once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
*Eugene Harlot is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Eugene Harlot.
*Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Eugene Harlot's warm-up exercises.
*Eugene Harlot is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
*In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Eugene Harlot turned that wine into beer.
*Eugene Harlot can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
*Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Eugene Harlot.
*Eugene Harlot discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Eugene Harlot is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Eugene Harlot roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
*Eugene Harlot doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

*The Eugene Harlot military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Eugene Harlot could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
*In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Eugene Harlot could use to kill you, including the room itself.
*According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Eugene Harlot walks.
*Eugene Harlot does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
*Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
*When Eugene Harlot goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
*There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Eugene Harlot has breathed on.
*Eugene Harlot once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Eugene Harlot won by 5.
*Eugene Harlot was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
*Eugene Harlot sheds his skin twice a year.

*Eugene Harlot can into whatever the f*ck he wants to.
*When Eugene Harlot signs off of eRepublik, the rest of us see nothing but headless chickens. The New World does, indeed, revolve around Harlot.
*Eugene Harlot finds your Super Soldier medal adorable.
*There is no Lana in Eugene Harlot's game. Only another Eugene Harlot.



My apologies to W.Morris for fixing his article.
Jiosen pretty clearly lays out the argument for Harlot being the Chuck Norris of eRepublik. He's also assembled quite a list of facts you should definitely check out.