Eugene Harlot is the Chuck Norris of eRep

Day 781, 11:58 • Published in USA Ireland • by Jiosen

Through extensive networking and investigation I have compiled a list of facts about our great military hero, Eugene Harlot. Here is but a fraction of what I've found. The eUS has labeled this Above Top Secret but I feel we should all know. Eugene Harlot is a great military hero who has helped this nation greatly. These are the reasons why.

- Eugene Harlot and Emerick once went to Congo to liberate it from a PTO attempt by Ajay Bruno. The result was that Africa and the Middle East are now gray areas...

- The President of Hungary is not a dedicated player who stays up til 3AM. He's just too scared to go to bed because of Harlot.

- Eugene Harlot once sneezed while he was liberating Australia from Indonesia. New Zealand is now gray.

- Follow the train of logic here:
Emerick is Great
Emerick is Kosovo
Kosovo is Serbia
therefore,
Emerick is Serbia

Eugene Harlot is all of the above.

- Eugene Harlot does not believe in admins.

- Euphonix with Q5 = 535
Harlot with bare fist = The eRep servers cannot register this immense number.

- Dio Brando prays to Eugene Harlot

- EDEN does not stand for ERepublik Defense and Economic Network. It stands for Eugene Does Extensive Nutcracking

- Despite what the profile says, parter was not banned. Harlot stared at his monitor so hard that parter was exiled into RL Siberia and has yet to find his way back.

- The famous song says, "These boots are made for walkin'..." Eugene's Q5 military boots are made for something else.

- Only beta giants know this, but there used to be 6 levels of items. Q1,2,3,4,5 and QH (the H stand for harlot). These items were so powerful that eRep was basically a giant godmod game and so the admins tuned it down to just Q5.

- Harlot's profile shows a particular set of numbers. These numbers are incorrect and are just for aesthetics as no server can adequately handle the enormous numbers on his profile.

- Dio Brando appeared to Eugene Harlot in a vision once with tears in his eyes and said, "What a fool I have been..." and proceeded to prostrate before Harlot.

- Michael Lewis is not the messiah. Harlot looked at his profile and Lewis miraculously came back to life.

- Harlot does not serve in a military branch. He IS a military branch.

- The only reason we lose battles is because Eugene Harlot needs his RL sleep.

- What is the sound of one hand clapping? It's the sound Harlot makes when he hits a wall bare-fisted.

- Where does the Harlot in Eugene Harlot come from? Ask Lana...

- eUS scientists made the discovery of the century and somehow managed to put it into a formula. This formula is kept deep within the ePentagon but I have discovered it and now share it with you:
Ajay Bruno < stool < everything < Eugene Harlot

- Why is the headless chicken headless? Ask Harlot...

- Why is Phoenix still around? Harlot needs toilet paper.

- Emerick and Harlot once shook hands. We know this event as the dissolution of PEACE.

- Why is it called Phoenix? They were originally BIRD (Belligerents Inciting Rampant Destruction) but Harlot found out and burned them alive in his rage. They rose from the ashes (somehow) and then adopted the name Phoenix.

- We did not win in Liaoning. Harlot stared at the Iranians until they exploded and then we took it.

- Ajay Bruno was not banned by the admins. Harlot sent him a PM, upon which Bruno disintegrated.

- Dio Brando stopped playing the day Harlot was born in eRep. Coincidence? Unlikely...

- Noobs aspire to using a Q5 Weapon in battle some day. Harlot was born with one in his hand.

- Who would win in a fight? Emerick or Josh Frost? Answer: Eugene Harlot

- Eugene Harlot can liberate a nation faster than the UK can switch allegiances.

- The reason we haven't invaded England is because Harlot already invaded and has instituted himself king. We're just trying to break the news to the poor citizens...

- What does Eugene Harlot smoke? Why, the souls of the fallen Phoenix soldiers, of course.

- Harlot responded to a PM I sent him. I went from Corporal to Field Marshal and I'm somehow at level 30.

- Harlot once had Q5 sex with Lana. The result was Poland's baby boom.


That's all for now. I'll see if I can dig up more for you guys.

Citizen Jiosen




EDIT: Due to the success of the Harlot Facts©, I've decided to add those from the comments section here to keep the lulz going. I might add some more of my own as well. Let's see if we can get more people to see it. Especially Phoenix. 😉

- Harlot attacks without initiative and doesn't even need a border. - eUSA Clearing House
- Harlot lost his virginity before his dad did... - Julian Mizu
- Harlot conquers nations before he even knows what their name is. - Omar Abudul Hammed Mubarez
- Harlot doesnt need a new photo of himself made to have a santa beard, he just willed it to be there. - Jack Cross
The following are all from sonofup1: Thanks for your contribution!
-- Poland isn't going through a baby boom. Those are just the baby's Harlot has allowed to live.
-- One day, Harlot got bored in Beta class. That night, he made V1.
-- Harlot is already playing V3.
-- If you can see Harlot, Harlot can see you. If you can't see Harlot, your region may only have seconds to live.
-- Atlantis use to exist in the game. Right in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Harlot visited it one day. Its location has been unknown sense then.
- Harlot uses enemies' entrails as wallpaper. - Adam Reichert
- Harlot is so great he surpassed Field Marshal and reached the rank of Eugene Harlot. - Rusty_Shackleford
- Harlot once had an awkward moment, just to see how it felt. - Vaneck26
- Harlot doesn't do push-ups. Harlot does earth-downs. - PimpDollaz
- Even Harlot's enemies list him as their emergency contact. - johnpauljones
- Harlot doesn't need the initiative to attack, the initiative needs him. - vAero
- "Win" is full of Harlot - Rob B
- Napoleon pays Lana to teach him in the ways of Harlot - Rob B
- The only two recorded days Harlot took a day off are 1)The fall of atlantis and 2) The takeover of Canada and America - Duke Leto
- Harlot ate the T-Rex in Jurassic Park - Duke Leto
- There are no girls, only men who've seen Eugene Harlot fight. - Zezzy
The following were contributed by Sander Cohen. Thanks!:
- Why did the US drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima? Because it was more humane than sending in Eugene Harlot.
- Before he goes to bed at night, the boogeyman checks his closet for Eugene Harlot.
- Eugene Harlots tears give instant 100 wellness, too bad he has never cried.
- Harlot does not wield Q5s, he wields the Banhammer.
- The list of banned players is coincidentaly identical to the list of people who have seen Eugene Harlot face to face





Note: The above is intended to be my take on Chuck Norris facts and is in no way meant to insult or insinuate anything. It's a lulz article and my attempt to bring some humor to eRep. Enjoy it for what it is. Let's see if we can get Phoenix to see it. Maybe they'll turn over Hello Kitty on their own. XD