News | Philippines Cedes 2 Regions to Malaysia

Day 798, 03:56 • Published in Philippines Philippines • by Filipino Progressive Movement
This is a Philippine Press Club syndicated article. Click here for original version.

MINDANAO, MALAYSIA - The Philippines surrendered its Visayas and Mindanao regions to Malaysia, today, taking both countries' citizens by surprise.

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According to Philippine President Hekter, the secession of territory was a split-second decision he made with Malaysian President ww88 to avert a political takeover (PTO) of the Philippine Congress.

"There were too many hostile [PTO] candidates in Mindanao and Visayas. [The PFF-FPM-KMP-FLP-PHP UNITY Lineup] could not have won if [those two regions] stayed as our territory." he told The Outsider. "We were losing in those regions badly. We had to shed them "

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POLITICAL MAP SHOWING THE PHILIPPINES (VIOLET) AND MALAYSIA (PHLEGM GREEN)

Panic, Shock, Confusion and Surprise

Meanwhile, a nationwide panic has struck the Philippines over the secession of its two southern regions.



"Wala ako masabi (I'm speechless)," exclaimed Department of Education Welcoming Committee Chairman Revilo X. "[It was an] epic last minute decision by the government!"



"What on earth is happening?!" queried National Defense Undersecretary Ezio Auditore di Firenze in confusion.



"Is this true? What happened?" queried Assistant Public Displayer of Affection Rupert Jaradal. "I can't believe this is happening."

Close Door Meetings

"The President already informed the party presidents in a closed door meeting days ago that he was willing to cede any regions if necessary in order to prevent PTOers from getting into Congress," revealed Filipino Progressive Movement President Ariel David Buena. "I didn't like the idea, but this time, we had no choice."


SECRET MEETING

"I was against the idea at first seeing that we would lose our Q4 hospital in Visayas, but when I saw that we we're losing to the PTOers, oks na rin sa akin (it was okay with me)," said Kilusan ng Makabayang Pinoy (Filipino Nationalist Movement) President Nikko_33

"Anyway, Malaysia is a trusted ally," he continued. "So, I know we'll get the regions back soon.

Media Blackout

As for why the government kept the PTO threat a secret from the public, the President explained, "the particular PTO threat we [were] facing loves attention--the more we give them lulz, the more they want to stay. This had to be as clandestine as possible."

Stressful Situation

"[This is] so very stressful," remarked President Hekter. "I haven't freaked out like this since the South Korean battles."


STRESS

Malaysian President ww88 was unavailable for comment.

Source: The eRepublik Outsider. Republished with permission.
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January 26, 2010