Its back and with a few helpful tips!

Day 2,637, 07:10 • Published in USA USA • by vrpanch


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Lt. Gen. K9Fun661
Executive Officer
Airborne
Greenday’s Love Advice
Valentine’s Day is coming up so I’m going to give some advice for everyone. I know it’s everyone’s favorite holiday so I want to help you all make it the best ever!

People already in long-term relationships:
-Stop reading this and skip to the end. You don’t need a special day to be romantic. You should be romantic every day.

People in new relationships:
-Spoil the crap out of your significant other. Chocolate, flowers, sexual fantasies. I can’t stress that last one enough.

People looking for relationships:
-Assuming you are close enough to the person, just ask them out. People like assertiveness.
-Get them a card.
-Send them flowers.
-Kidnap them and chain them in your dungeon until they agree to date you.

People looking to hook-up:
-This is your lucky day! It’s like shooting fish in a barrel! Picking people up is going to be super easy.
-If you are over 21, go to the bar, look for someone in red that doesn’t have a ring on their finger and isn’t with someone of the opposite sex, and talk to them. I can’t create a conversation for you but the Rangers are playing Feb 14th so I suggest talking about how awesome they are. Key Rangers topics: Lundqvist’s neck injury, Rick Nash can’t stop scoring.
-If you are under 21 and can’t sneak into a bar, try a coffee shop or the mall or where ever you kids hang out these days.
-Tinder. I’ve never used it since it didn’t come out until I was already in a committed, monogamous relationship (damnit) but it seems like a wonderful idea.

Well, there you go, my hints for an awesome Valentine’s Day. And if you can’t get any of those, here’s two more options!
-Go to the strip club. The dancers will happily flirt with you and show some skin! Plus it’s good for the economy.
-Enjoy this picture of Vin Diesel


Happy Valentine’s Day!
-Col. Greenday4537
DCO of 101st Divison (Furry Chubb’s Battalion)
Your Lord & Master


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Funnies

Here are some jokes to end this week’s article on a lighter side.
1. Why do you never wear two monocles at the same time? Because you'd make a spectacle of yourself.
2. An attractive Girl sits on a guys lap. After a few second the girl asks "You don't have a boner? How do you do it?" The man repllies "Its harder than you think."
3. Teacher to Student:
T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"
S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"




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Shout:
Its back and with a few helpful tips! | http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/2495382/1/20 | ~Official eUS Military Press Release~