Dear Dogpyle

Day 2,016, 15:03 • Published in USA USA • by Dogpyle

*please note - the below links do not necessarily reflect my views or opinions in the game. They are well written, coherent articles that have caught my eye or, at the very least, are articles that contain well written information about the goings on in eRepublik.*

An end to Unity?
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/from-fire-fame-why-unity-must-end-2265318/1/20

Tenshibo... Swag? And more.
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/he-had-the-most-swag-2266536/1/20

This is really good.
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/-brackets-mean-articles-are-important--2267914/1/20

You'll lol.
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/shield-and-all-loyal-americans-curb-the-serb--2268077/1/20

New Journalist of the week
I haven't noticed anyone. Have you? Leave a comment and a link if you have. Thanks.

Want to start a paper but ain't got teh gold? PM Dogpyle for assistance


The Media & Buying Votes

Yup. Up on the soapbox doggy paws, out jumps good ol' Dogpyle Clause...

So yeah, I get it. The DoD, DoE, PoTUS paper, etc. Sure, buy some votes. Get that sucker to the front page. Dogpyle can dig it. Young players looking to make some extra cash, join the voters club. Sure, why not?

Here's my problem: Y'all are holding back votes on everyday articles, written by everyday folks in hopes that you get paid to vote it. Stop it. Seriously. If you like an article, vote it. It's that simple. Chances are, these people are not going to buy votes anyways. I know I won't. So the only thing you're missing out on, is the opportunity to interact with your fellow eRepublikans.

I'd also like to ask other people to not buy votes for my articles. I don't want 'em. If someone isn't willing to click that little button for free, because they like what I've written, then they can suck it. My ego is big enough as it is, it doesn't need a boost.

For Mazzy and Josh

Sorry Bia

And a reminder to all of you wonderful, lovely readers to RSVC. Read, Subscribe, Vote, Comment. You wasted ten minutes reading all of this garbage, what's another 10 seconds?

/emo off. On to the fun stuff.


*Got a burning question? Does it burn when you pee? Then ask Dogpyle! With over forty years of experience in B.S., it's guaranteed he'll be able to answer your question, however incorrectly. Submit your questions by PM (subject: Dear Dogpyle) and receive 1 gold if your question is used in print. Remain anonymous by request.*

Dear Dogpyle,
I had a dream last night and it involved a eUSA celebrity personality who shall remain nameless. I am very ashamed of this dream. Now whenever I read this person's articles it feels very awkward. Should I tell this person about the dream and if I do, should I leave out the goat part?
Signed- Dalan Di Celes

Dear Dalan,
Never be ashamed of your dreams. Especially dreams involving goats (if I had a nickel for every goat dream...). I say not only do you tell this person, you write an article telling all of eRepublik about who this eCelebrity is, and what part the goat played in the dream. Worst case scenario: We all feel awkward.



Dear Dogpyle,
(PM number 1) Dear Dogpyle? Really? Grow up.
(PM number 2) Don't even think about using this in your stupid paper.
Signed- I love Dogpyle

Dear Love,
Yes. Really. Never.
I promise I didn't think about it.
(You have successfully donated 1 Gold. If the user accepts, the amount will appear shortly in the citizen account.)



Dear Dogpyle,
Chocolate syrup or Cool Whip?
Signed- Bia Pandora

Dear Bia,
My lovely Ms. Pandora, how glad I am that you asked. First, I must assume that you are not referring to chocolate syrup being drizzled in an ice cold glass of milk, or used to "spice up" a boring bowl of vanilla ice cream. And Cool Whip, while perfect on a delicious piece of pie, say maybe pumpkin or apple, is even more perfect when used in a slightly more nefarious way, isn't it?

Let's look at the pros and cons: First, I prefer Reddi-Wip to Cool Whip, hands down. RW is made from real cream as opposed to CW's hydrogenated oil. Plus, it comes in an awesome, fun to use spray can. Reddi-Wip is sweet and tasty and can liven up any... um, extra curricular activity. The down side to Reddi-Wip (and Cool Whip as well) is that once it comes into contact with, say, the human body, it tends to melt. Fast. Then it gets all over things like bed sheets (this is why you should never eat pie in bed).

Chocolate syrup on the other hand (in this case my preference is Hershey's) does not melt. Though it too is tasty and delicious when combined with, shall we say, fun 'n' games, it IS sticky. As I'm sure we all know from experience, you get some chocolate syrup on your, uh... hand, and you can lick and lick all day but that "sticky" just never seems to go away.

So which way does one go? Sheets can be laundered, "hands" can be washed, and both are fun no matter the occasion. It is in my opinion, that if you're going to use one, you should use them both. With a cherry on top.



Dear Dogpyle,
Why is the Federalist Party so horny?
Signed - Proud, not horny

Dear Proud,
Another great question. I've got to tell you, I really thrust myself into this one. I thought long and hard, and then I dug deep and tried to stroke the answer out of many sources. I pushed as far as I could go, to get to the bottom of this conundrum. I went so far as to rub my fingers raw as I tried to tease the titillating answer from the web and beyond. In the end, I got the shaft.

My best guess: They've seen nekid pictures of Dogpyle. I know that gets my motor hummin.


Peace, Love, and Happiness. Dogpyle out.