As Your Attorney...

Day 830, 15:36 • Published in Canada Canada • by Tyler F Durden


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WARNING: YOU ARE ENTERING REX COUNTRY



As some of you may know, REX - better known as "The State", or if you subscribe to Octonism - "Teh Oligarchies" has launched a suit against me on charges of Terrorism.


I sat down with my Attorney to discuss the case.
While I was busy thinking about how to write my
next article, my Attorney was busy exposing the
errors in the suit of Rex vs Tyler F Durden.



We arrived at the inevitable conclusion that Rex was in fact just a dino lounge lizard and posed no significant threat.




I took the one of the Justice's aside.
"You're not afraid of me are you? What could I possibly do to you?"
He didn't say much really, just sweated buckets the entire time.
That was most probably on account of the Rex.
This was Rex Country. Must be vigilant at all times!



Within a few hours talking it over with the Courts, the suit being launched by the Attorney General had been dropped due to lack of evidence. Celebration was at hand.



Following a brief celebration, I conferred with my
Attorney who was visibly upbeat about my beatin' the rap.
Of course, it could also have been the 6 hits of mescalin talking.



It seems that the Attorney General launched a case against me using his Office to punish me. Problem was - he had no evidence, like The Salty One.




You see what God did to us man?
I was labeled a Terr'ist without any evidence!
They have to have evidence for that sort of thing these days.
Dammit - we gotta get back in there and do battle those dino
lounge lizards! Step on it you overgrown beach monkey!




We arrived just in time to switch cars so as to go undetected
by the preJacobian salamanders. We'd be throwing away the element
of surprise if we were to roll into town in our Q4 fridge magnet.




My Attorney and I were on our way back to the Courtroom
when we encountered some looky-loos and nay sayers.
Blah blah blah blah! they were talking complete gibberish.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I replied.
Say, uh what are you scribbling there?
Uhh...nevermind, I think this is our floor.




As your Attorney - I advise you to take a hit from the
little brown bottle in my shaving kit. I also advise you to
rent a very fast car with no top and a tape recorder for
special music and get outta dodge for at least 48 hours.




I notified my Attorney that I will require a penthouse
suite in some God forsaken degenerate Fremont Street
rat bag, cock roach infested hotel and a typewriter.
The big Samoan, being a bit slow on the uptake took
off to God knows where, leaving me with the bill for
16 Eggs Benny, 9 Mimosas, a midget and 2 tickets
to a Las Vegas time share presentation...



Click on the brown shaving kit for a close up

When I found it I was stunned!
Why hadn't I been told of this before?
What am I paying you nothing for?!?



Once inside this cornucopia of illegal narcotics it became
painfully obvious what my next step should be. I flipped thru gel caps
filled with white powder, mirrors and zig zags when I came upon...




Hmmm...whats this now? Says &quot😉rink Me"
I think I'll try some. It looks harmless enough...
just a few drops on my tongue should do it...



Wanna try some?

http://i8.tinypic.com/4znr7tv.png">Drink Me!
Push Teh Button!!!!11




Being under the influence of half a grown man's
adrenal gland, I took my Attorney's advice and obtained
a credit card in exchange for my remaining liver and
an exploded bladder. I purchased this fine Q5 automobile.
Baby seal leather interior, 8 track, full family trunk -
we were in business. Time to put rubber to road.



And with that I went to write my article. Now to get to the hotel room...




Seeing that I had locked myself out of my jail cell
of a hotel room and knowing that my Attorney had
the other key, I went to see the clerk downstairs...
I was unprepared for what I was to encounter.




Hello sweetie pie! My name is Octoclerk! How may I be of
ASSistance to you? What that you say? Locked out of your
room? Why don't you try to...Bring Down Teh Oligarchies?




My Gods - that is a brilliant idea.
Everyone copies your ideas anyways, why can't I?
Mind if I borrow your Teh Monies Markets?



But first I had to get out of there. I began to detect odd vibes emanating from the Lounge across the hall...strange sounds and ominous odors filled the passageways.




Okay...now we're leaving for sure. That dino lounge lizard
tried to eat me. Said his name was Rex! Time to hit the
brown bottle again...But first I needed to discuss this with
my Attorney. I could hear the Jefferson Airplane down the hall...




Listen man - we gotta get outta here.
You've blown our cover you rat basterd!
The hotel clerk is onto us, and he wants in.
There are dino lounge lizards trolling me everywhere,
and for god's sake - where is the shaving kit?!?
I KNOW you're holding out on me now!




My Attorney agreed. He was having some
troubles with a young artist...so we called for
the car and we got outta there.




We were racing thru the desert when all of a sudden...



To be continued...


http://www.asitecalledfred.com/diatribe/images/feb18/fearbats.jpg">Exit REX Country
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