[ZW] EMERICK'S CORPSE BARRED FROM PAKISTANI BURIAL
AgentChieftain
─ ℤ𝔸 · 𝕎𝔸ℝ𝕌𝔻𝕆─
───────── 時 · よ · 止まれ ─────────
ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Earlier this morning, a freight shipment from Texas was intercepted by the Pakistani Special Forces on the northern border of Pakistan that was addressed to "the sands." Knowing that only steers and queers come from Texas, PSF operative Gordon Frohman immediately removed the package from the cargo truck and sent it to a bomb testing field thirty miles north of the site where the parcel was found. Upon opening the crate, the corpse of former American president Emerick was discovered.
As previously covered in ZA WARUDO, Emerick committed suicide six months ago in an underground bunker in the United States. His stand, aptly named Like A Virgin, took over his American duties from that day forward before disappearing some time last night.
Emerick (foreground) and Like A Virgin (background)
Like A Virgin left a message on Emerick's desk reading that its work in the United States is done and Emerick can rest in peace. The Americans, being slower than the Kotaku staff, finally figured out that Emerick had died and that all of his work had been carried out by a giant green phallus with tentacles riding on a golden chariot for the last six months, and found his corpse in the underground Mahjong Room of the White House in Washington, D.C.
According to his last will and testament, Emerick wished to be buried in the sands of Pakistan, where he claims to have been born. Here's where things get interesting: Emerick's birth certificate has yet to be found, and as the Director of the PSF, I can confirm that there are no records of Emerick ever being born in Pakistan. As a pig American, I have reason to believe he was born in the United States (or at least a country with moderate snowfall) and is not of Pakistani lineage at all.
For this very reason, I am taking action as Supreme Priest of Dioism and barring the corpse's entry into Pakistan. This is not the corpse of a Dioist; Emerick has been known to question Dio's will and disregard Pakistani laws in favor of profiteering and fattening American swine. Moreover, the interference of the American hooved forces during Operation 8U is evidence that the United States is deliberately acting against the will of Dio Brando, which cannot be forgiven.
For now, Emerick's rotting corpse is currently in an unmarked septic tanker truck somewhere in a Goon refugee camp in southwestern China. If we receive no word from the United States, the truck will be condemned as pig disgusting and destroyed in a humiliatingly homosexual and anti-American manner. Hopefully the Americans will retrieve it and give Emerick a burial where he belongs: Sweden.
ℙℝ𝕀𝔻𝔼 · ℙ𝕆𝕎𝔼ℝ · ℙ𝔸𝕂𝕀𝕊𝕋𝔸ℕ
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UPDATE: This just in! I've received word from White House Press Secretary Harrison Richardson that United States of America has just got told. Sayonara, Emerick!
Comments
😮
you're being too harsh on him, dad
Good.
I have to say, there are no more Goon refugee camps. Most Goons died in China or have moved and assimilated into new homelands. That must have been one of our abandoned camps or where the Chinese put their dissidents.
Thank you for making my day, good sir.
That would explain why the camp was inhabited by a frog telling us to get out.
gj
I just lol'd.
😮
GREAT PIECE OF JOURNALISTIC WORK
lol. wonderful story. Hahaha.
on the more serious side - it was rumoured that Emerick's dissappearance was closely linked to Dio's possible reincarnation!!!!
Dioist prize in journalism.
GIBE DEAD.
I want to dissect it to retrieve more information about the genetic weaknesses of Amerikkkans. Then I will update the neural chip of BRONARUDO (Brazilian version of DONARUDO - PAKISTANI SECRET WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION).
oh shitz
Subscribed. Remember to take a dump on the corpse for me.
Ree😛 Stfu, you didn't know the man. At least these others can talk trash because they were his enemies.
Kthx
good lord to graphic,, good article
"Moreover, the interference of the American hooved forces during Operation 8U is evidence that the United States is deliberately acting against the will of Dio Brando, which cannot be forgiven."
Well, it happened..... And Dio is all powerful.... So.... It must be the will of Dio.... Right?
Time to invade Pakistan.
eUSA Just got told!
The sands of Pakistan remain pure
Emerick cannot into grave
You will see how Pig Disgusting we are when the holy war starts : )
This is the best thing I have ever read.
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Dude, you let him get away.