[vCP] Welcome to Jamaica

Day 3,159, 06:53 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Deputy Prime Minister


Appropriate tune action >>> 10cc - Dreadlock Holiday


Oh hello.

Traditionally outgoing CPs disappear into the sunset for a couple of months, exhausted and exasperated from four weeks of the tyranny of presidency. That’s exactly what I was planning to do, perhaps running away to a beach somewhere.

Maybe in the Caribbean.

With a rum punch.

Actually, more than one rum punch.



And then Apples came along. He asked me to be vCP and skillfully circumvented my protests by tagging Governor-General of eJamaica on to the title. Then he came up with some story about moving the government and entire UK population to the home of Bob Marley. And I fell for it.

So, a week of the new government has passed, and I’ve been busy making all the necessary arrangements, booking Easyjet flights, packing top secret departmental red boxes and clearing up empty Talisker bottles that nobody seems to know anything about. But - at last - the job is done and yesterday His Majesty’s Government moved, lock stock and barrel, from the UK to Jamaica. You may have seen some coverage on the news about it.

So now it’s time for you - the good people of the UK - to join us in our new island paradise.



Take the grand tour, and win!
To help you acclimatise and get used to your new surroundings, I’ve organised a tour of the island. It’ll give you a chance to see some of the sights and meet some of the people. Obviously it’ll be a self-guided tour - I’ve got a date with that hammock I showed you - but I’ll give you a map, some directions and a few tips to get you going. Trust me, it’ll be fun.

Oh, and … er … while you’re at it, perhaps you could help me with a little … er … problem that’s arisen. You see, unfortunately - please don’t panic - we seem to have mislaid Woldy in the move. He definitely made it here - I saw him at the airport. Unfortunately, when I saw him he was in the arms of two Jamaican ex-Miss Worlds, both of whom had a bottle of Wray & Nephew and a big smile. But not as big as Woldy’s ... smile. And that’s the last time anyone saw him. So if you happen to bump into him on your travels, do me a favour and bring him home, will you? Thanks.

What’s in it for me?
Not telling. All I will say is the first three people to find Woldy will earn a reward (I imagine it’ll take three of you to drag him back).

What do I have to do?
Very little really - it’s all very simple. Here are the rules…

1. Pick three locations from the map below.
Tell me what locations you want in the comments.

You’re looking for five items to help coax Woldy away from the dual Miss World’s (or coax them away from him).

More than one person can pick a location - there are no restrictions.

2. Read your PM from me.
I’ll send you a PM telling you what you found/what happened etc. Then you’ll be ready for the next turn.

3. Next turn - pick another three locations.
Every couple of days or so I’ll open up a new turn in a new article. Keep picking locations while you’re still alive until you’ve collected all five items.

People can join in at any time. Just pick three locations in a turn and you’re in. I’ll keep a record of what’s going on.

4. When you’ve got the five items, let me (VoodooMike71) know.
There’ll be more to do, but you’ll find out what at the time.

That’s it. Eventually three of you (hopefully) will find Woldy somewhere on the island, win yourselves a prize and - most importantly - end our constitutional crisis.

So, without further ado, here’s the map.



So remember…

1. Pick three locations
2. Tell me which ones in the comments
3. Find stuff
4. Continue until you find Woldy

...and, er, be careful. Our new island paradise is a beautiful place, but there are a few dangers here and there.

Good luck!

VoodooMike71
eUK vCP& Governor-General of eJamaica, at your service


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All endorsements received by this office will be spent on rum and old Trojan records re-distributed in amusing and creative ways.