[UKRP] Let's Party Like It's 1984

Day 2,615, 09:45 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Fataliix


What have you guys done?

Hello UKRP! The primary worked as planned and you elected me as your Emperor. May god have mercy on your souls Thank you all for giving me the opportunity to spend even more time on this damn game. \o/

If you're here for the Adrastos body shots, go ahead and skip to the bottom, you dirty bugger.

I'd like to quickly draw attention to an article from our Broken Heart Healer: go check it out and give him endorsement money.


A dictatorship in my UKRP!? It's more likely than you think...

Our former Furry President and current useless title holder, WookieO, made a few final decisions before he handed over his position. I wish he'd vacuumed up first, but thankfully that's one of the many jobs I can outsource to the VP. His last decision was to choose a suitable Brick to be our Presidential Placeholder, but I can now reveal that before that he made a secret announcement.

Under decree of our President, I was given the title of Forever Emperor.
However, that wasn't the only gift that Wook gave me, it wasn't even the best gift; Wook gave me the gift of transparency, details of how you all voted in the primary.

You probably haven't noticed that at some point, the UKRP political orientation was changed to Totalitarian. I don't know who did this, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to continue the trend. Effective immediately, those that voted for iAdrastos and GLaDOS will be rounded up by our Spokes Man and his bike gang and shipped off to re-education camp.

I had Gali make the sign, sorry...

I did make a change to our political orientation, however. Previously we were a "center-right" party, which is just unacceptable. Do you know what right + totalitarian equals? Movies for Dapper to rip off and damn Commies is what. As we are much better than those silly PCP folk, I've switched our orientation to far-left. Our re-education camp is a place for learning the dangers of thoughtcrime against the Emperor, listening to Massacar tell scary campfire stories of the time when Appleby was in charge, and watching Lionbeard get drunk and talk about how old he is. Truly chilling.


As you can see, we're set for a massive influx of new members


Better do a Congress bit...
Enough of that silliness, let's get down to the super serious business of Congress. I see a few of the predictable lot have already applied, but that doesn't mean they have a free pass - if you want (why?) to be in Congress next month, you'll need to send me a message. A little different to last month however, I happen to be a human and not a Wookie and as such I don't really value your "skills" or "ambitions". I know what makes a good Congressman, and I know who will live up to that. I want to hear something creative. Make me laugh, make me cry, plagiarise some creepypasta. I don't care, set yourself apart from the crowd since that's the only thing that separates the good Congressmen and the great.


The bit you're really here for
Ever since I brought up the existence of Adrastos body shots, I've been bombarded with calls to release them immediately. Let's ignore what an odd bunch you guys are and instead pose the question, have you ever wondered why such a handsome guy only uses a clearly staged headshot?
Allow me to give you the answer...

You asked for it!

HEY YOU! WANT TO WIN SOME GOLD?
That's right, you can get some doubloons courtesy of your magnificent Emperor. Competitions are only for UKRP members so you should go ahead and JOIN US.
5g will go to the first person that can guess which green bin on the campsite Wook lives in!
Another 5g will be awarded to anyone that can convince Lionbeard or Kapten Johnson to endorse this article, 15g if you manage to bag 'em both!

I'll also be handing out secret gifts to anyone that writes a decent article related to UKRP. I have far too much money I'm very generous, so go ahead and try your luck!

Thanks for electing me guys. UKRP uber alles. \o/

Fataliix, Forever Emperor of Best Party