[Real CPF] The Real CPF Supports Nea Milosu*

Day 1,110, 20:40 • Published in Canada Canada • by Canadian Progressive Front

Well, this is embarrassing. Apparently we are so discombobulated here in the CPF that we can't even get our story straight. You see, we were going to originally sponsor James MacMarnama McCmannara Penguin, but some of us had deep reservations about his atrocious spelling that we decided against it. Sorry James, we read your angry little article, and to make things up to you, we will be sending you a personal grooming package soon as a token of our appreciation for your endless attempts at articles and whatnot. Better luck next time. Or never.



Make sure he washes his hands first


But the embarrassment doesn't end there. It seems that our PP who we suspect is really an undercover agent from you know who decided to try to sabotage us by selecting the worst possible candidate to put forward. I mean really, Areola? Look at his/her pathetic little attempt at a platform. Is that what he/she calls Lulz? Come on man, Spencer could do better than that when he's half drunk and has his face buried in it.



Spencer on a typical Saturday night


Then there's our old man Wilhelm. We love Wilhelm. If it wasn't for Wilhelm, none of our noobs would have an undeserved shot at getting into Congress. Everyone remember to say thanks Uncle Wilhelm when you see him next. But the timing of his comeback was a bit suspect. Very active for a long stretch, then gone for a long time, only to suddenly re-appear. You know what else is funny? All this talk about multies and whatnot. Something sure feels weird here, but we can't quite put our finger on it. Anyhow, it seems that crusty old Wilhelm doesn't quite like the direction the party is going, so he decided to speak out and endorse his own candidate. Good for you, Wilhelm. But we don't like Cham because he doesn't do anything. Seriously, can you think of one thing he's done? Just one thing? Geez, he hasn't even stolen anything, what kind of politician will he make? Not a very good one, that's what



I'll admit it. Wilhelm is totally my hero


We thought about endorsing this Temujin guy, but let's face it, he's a payer. We're all cheap, and nobody likes competing against people who play this game with the money that they saved up by not having a girlfriend. Plus he's the fugliest guy we've come across in a long time, so no way man.



Temujin can into hair club for men


But don't fret, little ones, we have a solution to solve this mess. Because this is the official newspaper of the CPF, not that other tabloid rag that is just posing as the official newspaper, we have decided to speak out and endorse a real candidate for CP. A real, hard working, hockey watching, poutine eating, toque wearing Canadian girl, Nea Milosu. Check out that name plus the polar bear avatar. She's obviously Canadian, no doubt about it. I mean, just look at her platform. The CAF totally endorses her, so she's got to be the perfect choice to lead us into another chain reaction war over there in cheese land. Plus we heard she's really good at keeping passwords safe, so there's no doubt we can totally trust this gal.



Real picture of Nea Milosu. We heard she really, really, really likes video games


So, as the official publication of the CPF, we are glad to say:

Vote for Nea Milosu on December 5. She's the candidate that sucks the least. We think.

That is all. Back to getting invaded and conquered again due to Government incompetence.