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Greetings!

I am Laurana Psion, long time resident of eJapan, a past member of congress and once again, a candidate for congress, hailing from the fair island that is Shikoku. You may know me otherwise from the relevant IRC channels as Psi, Psion, Psi|afk, Psion|afk, Psi|REM, Psion|REM, Psi|Lurking, Psion|FakingBeingAFK or simply “that highly pedantic wretch” (or any other suitable title denoting my esteemed self).

Congressional elections are now approaching and you’ve most probably identified the reason for this article and are now awaiting answers to The Question. “Why should I vote or not vote for Laurana Psion?”

Rather than my usual stew of mixed metaphors and countless lines of flowing text, I’ve decided to opt for a slightly blunter and more straight-to-the-point, bullet-pointed approach that is intended to give the impression that I am “no muss, no fuss, all serious business”. I will present to you a few statements regarding myself and you can decide for yourself whether I deserve your vote on the 25th of July.

Well, here it is:

• I do not come bearing gifts!

I will not be giving people currency or Gold as incentives to vote for me or for any other candidate. I believe that such vote-buying tactics misdirect your highly capable minds from choosing the best candidates for Congress; from identifying and voting for those candidates who you know would be best for the wellbeing of your country.

• I am not a partisan.

Yes, I am not an inanimate medieval pole-arm (all show but no action of my own doing), who can do nothing for your country like those congressmen who are elected but are never seen doing their duty. Those of you who have set foot in our hallow forums or switched onto our national IRC channels might have noticed that I have a fairly regular and active presence within our unique society. I try at all times to keep myself abreast of most if not all discussions that I have clearance for, whether humorous and silly or serious and grim.

• I am not a partisan.

Yes, I also am not one for bloc voting or petty party politics. It does not matter whether you are of my party or indeed none at all. What matters to me is you as an individual. I also think independently and ultimately will do what I believe is best. This may mean that at times, I may side with my party, the Tequila Fitness Club, while at other times I may not.

• I am not a Gold-Digger.

In the case that I am elected, the 5 Gold that is my right will be invested into a government institution of my choice, whether our nation’s coffers or the JIA’s funds.

• Speaking figuratively, the pen is mightier than the sword.

I am a fond proponent of diplomacy and mediation. Just as revenge is best served cold, calm minds allow for better cooperation and rational discussion.

• Speaking literally, the pen would generally either be cleaved in half or shattered by a sword.

Make no mistake, I am aware of the e-realities of this world. Quite often, military power is what separates pretty words from inspirational rhetoric, good intentions from good actions, and pipedreams from reality. I support the strengthening of our military, and because our military power is effectively each and every one of our citizens, I am in favour of increasing our active population through such immigration drives as Congressman Deej’s “Populate Japan”.

• I am aware that this is a game.

My ability to break the fourth e-wall puts me amongst such luminaries as eDeadpool and eShe-Hulk. If you’d vote for either of them, why not for me?


If you have any further questions, do feel free to ask them and I will get back to you as best as I can. When the 25th comes along in less than a week, remember to vote!

As a candidate, I hope that you find me to be worthy of your votes.

As a fellow citizen, I implore you not to vote blindly but for the candidate who you believe is best for your nation! If unsure, ask around! The Japan Election Commission, headed by Congressman Kita Ikki, may help you identify rogue candidates who should NOT be voted for.

Above all, remember that your vote counts! By voting, you have a say in your country's future!

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Laurana "Psi"
21/07/2009
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Sponsored by:
The Zetsubō Shimbun; "Ipsa Scientia Potestas Est".
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