[MoHA] Around the eUK...

Day 2,100, 18:33 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by eUK Home Office


Around the eUK...with Wook

Hello and welcome to my new series of interviews where I choose different members of the eUK to speak to who may not necessarily be a part of government but are either up and coming new citizens or well known figures in this online world we call home.

First up is a man we know of as a proud dentist, a lover of fun, someone who is never boring…yes, it’s WayneKerr!!!

I met up with Wayne in a rather dodgy area of Birmingham, our venue a pub called “The King’s Crotch” which was sandwiched between a halfway house and a branch of World of Leather. I ordered a large vodka and a pint of a local ale called Dirty Gusset, Wayne was sucking on a bottle of Hooch and nodding his head vigorously to Lip Up Fatty by Bad Manners that was playing on the jukebox.

He turned my way and patted the seat next to him, to which I sat down and began the questioning…

Wook: When did you become so handsome and funny?

Wayne: Well Wook, I can call you Wook, right? Elite breeding often results in desirable traits among the offspring produced. Mother Nature blessed me from birth with good looks, wit and charm. I would say I became aware of my superiority at around 14-15. I was faster and stronger than the other boys. The ladies loved it. It can often be a struggle being better than everyone else, but over time I have learnt to come to terms with it.


Sometimes Wayne is by himself…

Wook: You (and Chaz) were my reason for sticking around this place we call eHome. How many other eRep citizens have you suckled and nurtured into fine upstanding members of eUK society?

Wayne: A good question, one that can't be quantified into a number.

But 100, I would say sounds about right. The fact I managed to sculpt a CP out of a derpy Richard Feist shows how influential and educational I have been within the eUK.

Wook: Why do you do the things you do Wayne?

Wayne: So as not to let down my fans. Your readers must have heard of the Christian movement 'What Would Jesus Do?' Well 'round these parts we have 'What Would Wayne Do?'


I’m thinking really hard!

Wook: There's a rumour going round that you are in fact not Wayne at all and instead are BigAnt's funnier and wiser alter ego. Is this true?

Wayne: I too have heard this rumour, what strikes me as odd is the fact people believe BigAnt could pull off an alter ego such as WayneKerr or that WayneKerr could be from the same brain as BigAnt.


BigAnt hears the rumours…

Wook: When people write that WayneKerr is an ugly, immoral, boring, sexually deficient and subhuman creature who's only reason for living is to masturbate furiously to pictures of Bruce Forsyth and Fern Britton; do you take this to heart? Does it hurt like a rusty nail being driven into your eyeball?

Wayne: Yes, yes it does. The truth is a terrible beast.


Wayne has perversions, this is true...

Wook: If you were to write a novel about your life, what would it be titled?

Wayne: 'The Art of Baw' by Wayne Alan Neil Kerr.


A weighty tome in several volumes

Wook: Is living on the edge quite painful?

Wayne: The edge, contrary to popular belief, is actually more rounded than sharp. So no, it's actually quite a pleasant place to reside. With its spacious openings and close knit community I couldn't think of any other place I'd rather live.


The window cleaners had a tricky job…

Wook: If caught between a rock and a hard penis, what would you do?

Wayne: After watching '127 Hours' directed, co-written and produced by Danny Boyle and starring James Franco, I think it'd be easier to cut through a hard penis. So I'll choose the hard penis please.


My word, that's large...

Wook: Who would you like to see as the next eUK CP? (there's only one right answer here, Wayne old bean!)

Wayne: 'You have accepted 1350.00 GBP from WookieO.'

Hmmmm, something is telling me to say WookieO…


Ohhhhhhh, yeah…

Wook: And to finish off my fact finding mission, what is your favourite song to listen to whilst reading the latest issue of the Muck Raker?

Wayne: Seriously...10 sodding questions?

This is quite apt...

And that concludes the first in this series of articles. Keep your eyes peeled on the MoHA news for the next interview...you never know, it might be you!.


WookieO,

-uMoHA (Interviews)


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