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The trials and tribulations of Prime Minister WookieO…

The rain battered against the window of the study, as the hairiest individual in the eUK...the Country President of that same fine nation, twiddled his thumbs and wondered what to do next.

It had admittedly been a bustling start to his time as PM of the eUK. The war with eBelgium had begun just before the elections thrust WookieO into the limelight and so his first job in the hot seat was to see that war through.


Wook was so determined to win this war he even sent in the boy scouts!

He’d seen off the Belgies though, and what a gloriously EPIC campaign that was to finish the war and deliver the eUK three fine, new regions to occupy!

The battle of Wallonia he knew would forever be etched on to the minds of those who fought there, including his own. There was some fierce fighting going on.

At one point Wook was sure he’d seen a group of what looked like dental surgeons using overiszed tooth picks to bayonet a young girl, who’s only crime was that she was eating a Belgian waffle!


If only she knew she was about to be assaulted by a member of the Royal Army Dental corps!

But finally the war came to an end and the people rejoiced; WookieO had felt joyous. He’d even gone out and bought a new comb.



The furry faced leader was only at peace for a short time though, because as if from nowhere...the Bulgarians had arrived!

Having already been run off their own turf by a triumphant eRomania, they had hightailed it 'oop' north and were blundering their way through Scandinavia, intent on finding a region they could steal and call home.

Wook laughed as he remembered the sight of a boatload of scruffy Bulgarians attempting to land in Aberdeen and having empty cans of Tennent’s Super lager being chucked at them by bemused Scots.


The Bulgarians had chosen the wrong place to try and find a foothold…

Naturally the Scots and the rest of the eUK saw off the feeble attempt at an invasion and unfortunately for the Bulgarians the plucky Romanians were right up their backside!

Our friends from Bucharest finished off the beaten and bedraggled Bulgies and the second war of Wook’s term was already over.

That was a mighty TWO, yes, count them...TWO victories for the WookieO government and now the hirsute battle hero wondered where to go from here.



It wasn’t long before Wook remembered that there were some Mutual Protection Pacts that needed to be renewed. So he called up one of his Ministers of Foreign Affairs, Rfeist.

“Afternoon Rich, old bean,” he declared, his voice a deep baritone as he wallowed in his successes so far, “I believe I need to get down to some of these MPPs, what!?”

“Spain might be a good call,” the Minister warbled down the telephone line, “But sir, there’s been a few technical hitches with the government system of late, so be careful.”

“Yes, yes….don’t be ridiculous man!” Wook blustered, “I can use a bleedin’ computer you know...I’m not a complete moron!!” and he hung up on his colleague without another word.


Wook even had the correct tools to help him…

It felt like he’d been fiddling with the computer for hours, but finally he’d found the page he wanted.

“Click Spain…” he muttered, “Propose a MPP….right, that’s about it….and, click that.”

“Woah, woah, woah!!!” the monster in a cheap suit cried, fear suddenly pricking his every being, “I pressed Spain, damn it! What’s this Albania nonsense!?!?!?!”

The air suddenly felt extremely thick and the walls were definitely beginning to close in on the PM. What had he done? What was going to happen next?!? It was a disaster!

Congress had to be notified, TWO had to be told, the public must be made aware!! There was suddenly so much he had to do!!

It was then that vice-Country President ChewChewShoe and Minister of Defence mwcerberus sauntered into his study and saw him tottering on his rather tree trunk-esque legs.

Whilst ChewChewShoe poured him a large glass of brandy, mwcerberus managed to cobble together exactly what had happened and very quickly the wheels were set in motion to halt the terrible mistake from becoming a diplomatic disaster!


The House of Commons was informed and began voting down the proposal…

As things looked like they might be getting under control, it turned out that one fiery young soul, Schmidt Bogdan, a member of the House for the United Kingdom Reform Party, had heard of the proposed MPP with Albania and had almost had a coronary!

The lad had immediately set about an impeachment of WookieO, the proposal was in the works before Wook could shout “I ballsed up! I’m sorry!!”

Mr Bogdan was profusely apologetic once he found out the problem….that the PM had a temperamental computer and the eUK server was dodgy at the best of times! And so the impeachment proposal was voted down along with the Albanian MPP.



Whilst his cabinet went about their duties like a well oiled machine, WookieO finally felt able to relax.

The lovely government over in eSpain had fixed his error for him by sending their own MPP proposal to the eUK, amidst some genial banter of course.

And now it seemed everything was right with the eWorld….or was it?


The French are coming? Surely not?!?!?



”The trials and tribulations of Prime Minister WookieO..." was taken from the official Wook Memoirs to be released next month in all good book shops.

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