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The scene outside The Ottawa Guardian earlier today was one of pandemonium as troops responded to the latest wave of media insurgency. The OG sustained heavy damage. Its walls besmirched with graffiti: "Down with 3 CAD" and "Go 2 USD." Looted 3 CAD bills littered the streets.

Meanwhile, in another part of eCanada, a Plebiscite delivery van ran a checkpoint in front of The Freeholder Press. The spam-bomb hidden aboard prematurely activated, releasing a noxious cloud of jokes outside the publishing house. Elsewhere, security forces clashed with an old-granny-with-a-gun menacing The Boomer Bugle.

The greatest shock on this day of publicity melt-down occurred at The Yellow-winged Darter. A Ministry of Information raid unveiled a cache of WMDs. These weapons of media distraction, 2 USD bills disguised as toilet papers rolls, were being printed in great quantities. It's believed these WMDs were being smuggled across the US-Canada border to fund a Media Mogul terror plot. A manhunt for Joey Phillips has been launched under suspicion that the YwD publisher is an oSPAMMa bin Laden operative.

Responding to the day's events, Barack oSPAMMa has urged the eUS readership to remain vigilant as Operation "Can.'o'SPAMM" edges nearer.

SPAMM is coming, eCanada. Will you be ready?