Old Ladies at War - Canada's Broken Healthcare

Day 461, 13:52 • Published in Canada Canada • by Dade Pendwyn
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With congressional elections approaching, we have once again shamefully pushed aside one of our eSociety’s most important issues: Canada’s pitiful healthcare. Granted, the various parties have paid homage to the idea of a system of gifting that they might label “healthcare”, but it refuses to address the true problem here, which lies ostensibly in the way our hospitals are run.

It was the 450’s of the New World, and one particularly decrepit old woman approached me on the street. She had a nasty case of glaucoma and a bad hip. I asked if she needed any help, though I was ill prepared for the shocking reply of her shaky old voice:
“Nay, sonny. Shan’t have much luck killing Hungarians if I can’t even cross the street mehself.” Appalled, I inquired further. “Them dang doctors won’t even look at meh until I’ve gone and sustained some sort of war injury. Won’t even let meh walk into the hospital, dag nabbit!” She was visibly upset, and now I knew why. Indeed, I had only gone to a hospital after fighting and I had always taken it for granted that I might be healed regardless of the nature of my injury; apparently my inferences were ill-informed. Overcome with grief for this poor old woman, I offered her a Q2 gift, which consequently insulted her.
“If mah arm was chopped off would ya fix it with a Hannah Montana bandaid!? Mah wellness is three and a half!” she roared as she slapped the box out of my hand. “It’s not even a surprise anymore gul dernit! Gosh dern gifts are always the same thing – crummy diamonds! I remember when diamonds was actually worth something. Now quit insulting me and let meh get to mah war!”
At this she strode off towards the airport. Truly I pitied the poor Hungarian soul who might be faced with the terrifying sight of her knobbed knees hobbling towards the front with wrinkled fist shaking and geriatric profanity spilling forth from her dentures.

Unfortunately, this poor old lady was no isolated incident. It seems as though NO hospitals in Canada, nor around the world, will treat people who have non-combat related injuries. I asked a young boy exiting the Q1 hospital in Saskatchewan what ailed him, and he had a similarly tragic story. “I’ve had a really sore throat for a month, so I went in to the doctor. They said they wouldn’t look at me until I had ‘killed a few PEACEicans.’ So I went to Romania and fought the Hungarians. I saw my best friend die and I lost my left hand,” he said while gesturing meekly with his stump. “But at least now I was able to go to the doctor. They gave me some cough drops,” he mumbled with a resigned shrug. “Maybe I should have gone to Ontario’s Q4…”

Consider these heart-rending stories and the actions of any good Canadian become clear. I implore you to contact your local congressmen and urge them to abolish this blatantly discriminatory healthcare.

Thank you