[TheDeputyCP] In Before Horice

Day 3,214, 12:27 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Deputy Prime Minister




You Are All Spamicans Now!

Hello Nation,

Our Glorious Leader has assured me he’s preparing a statement on his incredible electoral triumph. As deputy Country President I would just like to extend my thanks to all those who voted, particularly those outside of the Spamican party. These elections can not be won without cross party support so thank you. We also hope that this will be a kick up the backside to those who assume victory is assured due to reputation.

I do the boring articles by the way.











Cabinet

We considered outsourcing cabinet this month to Sweden but after some persuasion we stuck with tradition.


President Eternal: Horice. Duh.

Prime Minister: Me. I think I’ve been CP before so being deputy will be a doddle. I’m good at being secretive, condescending and irrational.


Minister of Foreign Affairs: Aaron Mark Daniels will retain his position and title. This month he’ll be tasked with apologising to all the countries we’re likely to upset. His first job is to get this Nigerian alliance sorted out.



Minister of Finance: Huey George will continue in his role for the coming month. We’re pleased to have someone with the ability to count and curb free spending cabinet members. He will also be tasked with hiding all the irregularities...



Minister of Defence: Sambo223 has been dug up and given the job nobody wants. One message of support to Horice and now he’s knee deep in servicemen and women.


Minister of Home Affairs: Mr Woldy, our dictator, will remain the minister but has assured me he’s looking forward to writing articles and sending thousands of personal messages in his free time to the entire country many times over.


Minister with the Responsibility for Maintaining Frosty Relations with Congress: Rob the Bruce will be our go to man for keeping congress riled up and mildly irritated by the government and its total disregard for any imaginary rules they have put in place.


Minister with Responsibility for Stacking Badgers: VoodooMike has been rewarded for his support during the Horice movement with this most important of roles. Stacking anythiny is important but badgers more so.








Congress

There’s an article knocking around about having the dictator referendum next week.
Over the coming days we hope that congress gets involved in a really public debate. Our MoHA will also be getting in contact to remind folk to vote - some people don’t care about these things believe it or not. We’ll also knock out something putting a summary together or the case for and against.

As a government we’ll strive to work with congress and keep you informed about what is going on. I’ve already messaged both sides of congress to advise anything I send in the private pms is fair game to publish because you lot will find out soon enough.









Foreign Stuff

Hopefully we can have a chat to these mysterious countries who are interested in forming an alliance with us in the coming days. If it’s all a pile of bad stuff then we’ll let you know and move on.

There is no point climbing a greasy pole if you have to sit on it when you reach the top. We’ll do our best to keep you informed as we progress with this and when we get the options you can choose what we do.

Our MoFA is currently looking at all the options open to and we’ll be looking at this over the coming days. As per the usual I’ll give you an idea of what these discussions lead to even if it’s sweet FA.







Military Issues.

I’m sure Sweden is a lovely place to visit but as house guests these Swedes are lousy. No wine, no food and no conversation. There are several options open to us with regards to this threat:


1.Win all the battles.
2.Loose all the battles.
3.I write a moving poem about the beauty of Sweden and then submit it to the 4.Swedish media. This poem will contain untold poetic beauty and win over the 5.Swedish people, who will then offer us a draw.
6.We try and get a bit more help from our new Nigerian friends…

We’re looking at a few options and I want to tell you but I can’t...just yet.


That is it for today, I think.

If you want to get involved with what is going on here then get in touch with the minister you fancy stalking.

Hugs

Karacticus

P.s. Any former CPs know what the JamesW International Development Foundation is?