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As many of you know my last article outlined Corruption at the Executive level in the eUSA. Seeking more information and some insight into the accusations of corruption, this reporter went straight to the top. Alexander_Auctoritas, current POTUS, suprisingly agreed to an interview. I have provided the transcript of the event below with some insight into what his answers really meant....


The Interview with the Tyrant.




1. What is your response to recent accusations, backed by intelligence photos and inside sources that you are profiting from the use of genetically altered banana meal currently being supplied to our troops?

I cannot neither confirm nor deny rumors that we are genetically altering our food for troops. I can tell you that we are doing everything in our power to ensure that our fighting men and women have the best available nutrition to maximize their influence in combat. I will form a committee to investigate immediately. The findings of this committee will be submitted to the Vice-president and he will then pass the information to my desk. If it is deemed actionable, then I will form a synergy nexus to confirm the validity of the committee's findings and see how to best proceed from there. That you for bringing this situation to my attention, if indeed a situation exists, I will follow-up on it.

Obvious rhetoric from the Commandape and Chief. Notice how he did not once address the statement of him "profiting" from the banana meal being used to feed our troops. Synergy? Nexus? Quit making up words Mr. President! Or is this ape talk you've learned from out enemies? If indeed the situation exists?!?!?! You're pockets are fat and our citizens are being turned to apes! Did you not see the photo from my previous article?




2. What is your connection to the USApeForce and Colin "Yantrip" as many apes refer to him as? Where does the USApeForce currently get its supplies?

I cannot confirm nor deny that I am working with the Apes in their alleged takeover of the eUSA. The racoon family that has been monitoring the situation will continue to monitor and prioritize the findings of the squirrels, while we use badgers and beavers to validate the validity of the observations. Should these yield in the affirmative, then action may or may not have to be take by me or my most trusted advisor, Oblige.

HAHA Mr. President, way to make a joke about an extremely serious issue.

We all know that the raccoon and squirrel alliance has been interrupted by Apes gathering/profiting from garbage and acorns in order to fund the upcoming war. Badgers and Beavers? Who authorized the use of creatures from the north/Canada? Has the corruption run this far? You have authorized the employment of Canadian monkey beavers?!?!?! You are not helping your case Mr. President. Ignoring Colin Yantrip is not the way to win this war.



3. Why is your face darkened in your presidential photo?

My face may or may not be darkened. Ariovistus has been my make-up artist all term, and there is a possibility that he achieved such stunning results by altered the food coloring and/or additives in my daily meals. I will investigate the matter immediately.

Ariovistus was unavailable for comment... Obviously in hiding, you really think we can't see the ape hidden behind the shadows of your photo!?!?!?

You can find the President's photo here.

I'm calling you out Mr. CommandApe and Chief

4. Two Apes currently hold congressional seats, Colin Lantrip and Crista22 what is your opinion of this?

I have been told that Colin and Crista are trusted representatives from the Planet. There is no way to confirm or deny this, but if the results of an independent body should provide positive identification, we may act upon the information.

You have been told they can be trusted? Have you not read my articles? Do you not know that they are agents of Planet of the Apes Project Canada? Or do you really not care?

Colin Yantrip

Crista22


6. Do you prefer Banana bread or burnt toast with mold?

Under the Code of Ratification, I am only allowed to give that information on the D/9/C form if submitted in triplicate. The D stroke 9 stroke Calmity form is allowed to members of the press with Level 42 clearance. If you are cleared to this level, then you have already been contacted by my Vice-President, gnilraps. If you are not cleared to receive such information, you should look for clearance level orange forms mailed to your home in a box. Please disregard the ticking sound and open as soon as possible in a crowded press room with no Executive personnel.

Of course this reporter didn't open the box, but I did take a picture of the logo



Coincidence that it is the same logo used by the Spurbury Police department in Vermont? Coincidence that this logo was put on drugs being shipped from CANADA?!?! (Thanks Captain O'Hagan and the Vermont State Troopers who uncovered the drug ring) The president and Gnilraps obviously would rather feed eAmericans Banana Crap than give their citizens the truth.

7. Would you rather meet the wicked witch of the west or Celine Dion?

I have met both, and shagged them rotten. Celine was more whiny, but the witch made it hurt.

So our president "shagged" (learn that word from Canadian Mike Meyers Mr. President??) a Canadian and a woman who surround herself with flying monkeys



Your lives are in good hands America, Obviously the man who would shag her can be trusted.....

8. If a wood chuck could chuck wood, would you help it? If a wood chuck could NOT chuck wood, would you chuck it yourself?

If a wood chuck could not chuck wood, then it would be my and every able-bodied American's job to help it chuck. Your country needs people like us to chuck everyday, in case we every fall into a chuck shortage hole of abyss.

The only abyss we could fall into is the one that would be created from helping woodchucks Mr. President! Everyone knows that woodchucks (close cousins to beavers and badgers) originate from Canada! You would love if we helped them wouldn't you? Why, you already employ them don't you? (see question 2)

9. What is the better movie, Strange Brew or Cool Runnings?

No comment.

No comment?!?!?! No Comment?!?!?! The correct answer was "they are both Canadian crap movies" But of course you have no comment Mr. President, you ape loving woodchuck humper

10. What is your favortie thing about being a eUS citizen?

I love being able to pay a hooker to knock my junk around, shoot her up with heroin before paying, and drop her at the nearest Methadone clinic with no repurcusions whatsoever.

At least apes and humans have something in common...



You've heard it here first America, President Alexander_Auctoritas is an Ape Conspirator. I hereby call for his resignation and his head! WE CANNOT HAVE APES IN OUR COUNTRY!