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-Hale26, on the issue of WTP-ness



Friends, colleagues, people, Murricans,

We know you think, it’s that time of month and here we have another party article asking for your votes like they’re some sweet Mexican black tar heroin. We The People don’t want to hide anything from you and feel obliged to share the truth about those ballotiers (oh, I’ve just made up a new word; now that’s talent) who we hope to send to congress in We The People’s delegation:



Valiant Thor

Article

Valiant Thor’s first words were “HUE HUE” to the great disappointment of his stoic maternal grandfather. Since that day he has strived to represent the Everyman, going so far as to remove his face. Valiant Thor realized he may have gone too far when he sat down for a dinner of Q5 Food only to realize he no longer had a mouth. It is still a mystery where his voice is coming from; some say it’s somewhere out of his pants.



dmjohnston

Article

dmjohnston spent his early life in the USTC. It is believed that he developed his cocaine addiction during a short deployment to South America. It was only after a brief stint in rehab that he developed an affinity for paid sexual encounters. Despite this crippling baggage, dmjohnston has worked his way through the USAF and Department of Defense to serve as Secretary of Defense. It is rumored that in the White House, while the Big Cat is away, dmjohnston loves to play with the maidens “hide and seek”, naked.



Disco Musolini

Article

Disco Musolini is a dance-crazed gentleman from a disgraced branch of a famous Italian family. Some call him the Dictator of the Dancefloor, as he always insists on leading. This man can cut up a rug and then cut down everything around him. Keep a close eye when his hips start swaying, because as everyone knows - It’s all in the hips.



Oblige

Article

He’s flighty. He’s light. He’s beautiful! and boy does he love sugar water & the color red! Oblige! Our Hummingbird! Drink that sweet, sweet nectar!



The Mike

Article

The Mike likes his plushies. A LOT. Like...SOOO much. He sleeps with a ton, and even has one in his avatar! Just as any mother bear should be, The Mike is very protective of his baby bears, once taking the arm off of a Japanese tourist who wandered too close to take a photograph. The Mike has found some success in channeling this energy into the mentoring of new players, though attacks are still know to occur in the spring months, as he wakes from hibernation.



Anwnimos

Article

Not much is known about Anwinmos’s true identity and that’s the way he likes things. He is a known UNO terrorist, holding games hostage at the slightest whim. He once demanded the heads of 100 Servs in exchange for beginning a game that he promptly quit.



Gervaz

Article

Gervaz emigrated to the eUSA from eItaly on a boat that passed through Ellis Island. When he saw the Statue of Liberty standing vigilant over New York Harbor he thought, “I sure am glad no one aboard realized I am really a bear!” Unfortunately, Gervaz did not make it through immigration unscathed as his true name, Gervazelli, was changed by the hasty immigrations officer. Some say he came from Sicily, some argue that he’s not even Italian. Either way don’t get fooled by his tender voice when he offers you protection, it’s an offer you don’t want to refuse.



Delyruin


Delyruin is an ardent enemy of physical keyboards everywhere. His first computer was an autographed picture of David Bowie sitting in front of a typewriter. Delyruin is wanted by the New York Public Library System for the destruction of all the keyboards save one where he rearranged the letters to spell SUCK IT. He has gone on record saying that his favorite XBox game is eRepublik.



Supernana


Supernana is a little devil and not just cause of the avatar! It is told that Supernana was conceived when three angels went on an overnight drinking binge to Amsterdam. Not being able to take the infant Supernana back to heaven with them, the angels decided it was best that she be left to grow up in the New World. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, she’ll just sneak up on you and pinch your sweet, little bum!



Thermaikos


Thermaikos either is or is not Sherlock Holmes. Many argue that Sherlock Holmes is a purely fictional character and would also have no time to play any sort of browser game. Others believe that it must be Sherlock Holmes as in the European Union it is an offense punishable by drawing and quartering to give a false address on the internet.



So now that you have learned all the secrets about our candidates, we have only one message for you: don’t miss the elections today and vote for WTP! That’s actually 2 messages, but who’s counting anyway.