Your 5 other Girlfriends of the eUk

Day 2,044, 07:35 • Published in United Kingdom Israel • by dante643

Due to the success of the first article and because my articles after that have been of less success (oh for the love of god subscribe to me I’m so lonely) I have been looking at five other Political Parties and how they reminded me of certain ladies that have been in my life.

The Kind One
When you met her, you didn’t think you stood a chance and if you were Wayne Kerr, you probably just ended up in the friendzone, she seemed to have everyone asking her for advice, she was kind, considerate and frankly way too good for your cheeto dust covered self, how did you ever let yourself lose her? Now slap yourself out of it and remember the hell she put you through (bad nostalgia! Bad!), every dropkick, dick and harry with their problems used to be around you constantly and you were never able to enjoy yourself properly with her because of that, it was a blessing that you got out when you did otherwise you’d be running some homeless shelter for sick and deranged cats with her. Welcome to ESO also known as the Legion Slave Labour Camp, their constant selflessness is both sickening and admirable, you respect them, are jealous and loath them at the same time, all I can say, ESO learn to be more of a dick.


Yeah you, stop being so nice, it’s sickening.

The Hypocrite

Remember that time you pretended to be a feminist/activist/Liberal Arts Major to get with this girl, she was at every campus campaign rally as long as the theme was progressive, her rally cries filled campus and ‘assets’ filled your field of vision, but she wasn't going to date any old joe, no, this called for tactful and over the top lying your way into her bed. Too bad she was doing the exact same thing without realizing it, you probably should of realized something was wrong when she jumped out of her brand new Mercedes or that she had no room-mates in her four bedroom apartment in the nice area of town compared to your three bedroom, can’t afford replacement windows, pretty sure you've forgotten what hot water in a shower is like abode that you share with your high-school buddy and the person you found that would pay the most rent, in most cases a 320 pound transvestite called Steve/Claire, what finally tipped you off that something wasn't right was meeting her dad, it was then you realized she wasn't some champion of justice, she was a hypocrite, but a hypocrite with access to a credit card made of solid gold so you loved her anyway. Welcome to the Peoples Communist Party, the biggest capitalists in the game, supported by factory owners, bookies and small time crook former CP Ayame Crocodile.


You also realized that same credit card bought those ‘assets’

The Crazy One

Remember this one? Those adventures you went on, her quirky attitude, her ‘interesting’ friends, her inability to understand or care about social boundaries or personal space? She was great wasn't she? I thought I told you to stop letting nostalgia get the jump on you!? She was insane, her political compass was somewhere between anarchist and Santa Claus, she kept calling your friends ‘brother’ and your brother ‘mate’ and the first time she met your mother she offered a good recipe of sea-slugs, red flags should have been popping up in your head by now but generally the very shock and awe of her presence sent you into a three month questioning cycle that you couldn't escape. In the eUK we just call them Skatalites, you crazy people, if you didn’t make this game tolerable I’d boot every last one of you to Crazy Town USA (AKA Canada)….in fact I think we did to one of them.


This is actually just a picture of CptChazbeards wife

The Secretive One
You remember or you vaguely remember this one, you remember her name, sort of, the first one at least, possibly she did have a lot of nicknames. She used disappear and reappear like magic, she’d know everything to do with your life and you didn’t even know where she lived, she was the secretive one and not much can be said about this one, because for me I ran, well walked, well caught a cab, well a train from London to Glasgow to escape. (I’m kidding I live in Australia, in normal Australian custom we just let our two personal kangaroos fight to the death and since mine won I was allowed to break out mating-pact.). I refer to of course New Era Freemasons, yeah, keep the hell away from me.

She never let you take a picture remember?

The Proper One
Well bred, affluent family and cute to boot, it’s no wonder you ruined it by getting drunk and hitting on her sister. She was what you could only assume was a genetic kick back to Victorian Britain, elegant, well dressed, poised, graceful, you poor slob never stood a chance, but you tried, A for effort. She could play the violin and the viola and be able to tell you the difference between the two, while you sat there using your fifth broken guitar string as floss and staring deeply and affectionately into the eyes of your beloved rock hero who’s life sized poster hung on your wall, Phil Collins Freddie Mercury. That is pretty much who the Independent Alliance are, so fair, so graceful, it sickens me, why don’t you just get with ESO and make some beautiful loving babies!


on second thought that's not a bad idea

Bonus picture of uncovered New Era recruitment strategy:


picture was captured outside the London Orphanage

Thankyou for reading
Dante643